I'm REALLY cool with my manager at work and we talk about almost any and everything you could think of. We share tips and advice,act. She was telling me how she's been having this "gut feeling" that something in her marriage isn't right.She felt that her husband,who she's been married to for the past 18 years may be hiding something....or some ONE. She told me that she saw online that there is some sort of device that you can buy that can retrieve erased text messages/pics from cell phones and that she was thinking about buying it to go through her husband's phone to see if he WAS actually hiding something or some ONE,after all.
I told her NOT to do it, UNLESS she was going to actually leave him,after she found what she felt like she needed to find.She didn't understand why I was against the idea of her getting "confirmation" to what her female intuition was already hinting at.
To me,it's simple(probably because I've dealt with this shit) it's true that a woman's intuition is a force to be reckoned with and chances are that if we think or feel something, we are normally at LEAST 80-85% RIGHT. I told her that even though she feels like she ALREADY knows something is wrong,to get confirmation that she was right and that he WAS being shady, is a WHHHHOOOOOOOLLLLLLEEEEE other ball game.....you can "know" something,but actually finding out that he was doing something is STILL gunna hurt like hell, because there is still that part of you that doesn't want to be right.
I told her how I "knew" almost every time my ex was being dishonest,hiding things,and being shady, BUT every time I would find something out FOR SURE, my "knowing" beforehand didn't soften the blow one bit and I STILL felt sick to my stomach....to the point where I stopped questioning him(to avoid the blatant lies) when we were apart, I wouldn't even call or text him anymore(to avoid him taking to long to respond;causing my mind to wonder)."Out of sight,out of mind" became the policy I learned to live by,during the last few months of that relationship.
I told her that unless she was planning to leave him, finding some shit out would be pointless and only BREAK their relationship,in the end. They've been together for 18 years......EIGHTEEN freaking years,4 kids,a house and according to her, he treats her well,does anything for her,ect. MY thinking is:if I've been with a man for THIS long and this is the first time I've had a feeling that something may be wrong,BUT he is still being an amazing husband and father, AND I have no concrete proof, I'm not gunna try and make something out of what could quite possibly be nothing,by starting to check his phone,ect.What's done in the dark ALWAYS comes to light and if he's never been caught up in the 18 years of our marriage,chances are, he hasn't done too much.....and if he HAS and she found something, she knows she isn't gunna break up their family because of it,so why even bother??If she finds something that she doesn't like or agree with, that will just cause a million trust issues to manifest and eventually BREAK what they have built over the last 18 years.It's not worth it, in MY book, but I'm not sure I convinced her that it wasn't a good idea,though. I hope for the sake of her marriage AND peace of mind,she doesn't dig for something that may or may NOT be there.
