Earlier this week, I had to take my son (Cameron) to the Dr. because he had some weird stuff going on with his eyes...I thought it was pink eye(I can be pretty dramatic...lol) so I HAD to take him in to make sure everything was everything. While in the office, I was on the phone with my Best friend/My son's God Mother and we were talking about what was going on with him and how from this point on, NOW is when all the "Kid Shit" is gunna start happening with him; pink eye,chicken pox,ect. and then it hit me, like a ton of bricks:I'm a MOM.I'M going to have to be there for him, to comfort him and make him feel better. When he gets sick, he's going to want ME to "fix it" and make it go away.He's going to depend on ME and only me, no matter WHAT happens.....I'm a MOM!
My son is 4, and you'd think by now, I would have grasped the fact that I am, in fact a mother....but I guess I hadn't.It's crazy to me, that I'm in charge of a LIFE....a PERSON....to feed,comfort,and clothe them.....ME. The girl who didn't think she wanted to have a baby EVER is a mother. It's crazy, because my son is 4...time has flown....It seems like he was just learning to walk yesterday.My baby has gone from "boy" to "man" right in front of my eyes and I have enjoyed EVERY moment of it.
Normally in a parent/child relationship, the child is dependent on the parent, but I feel like I am equally as dependent on my son....for different reasons,of course, but still.He has helped me through so many situations,he has inspired me sooooo much,he has given me reason to make so many "right" choices and has been my motivation behind the person I am and the person I am striving to be. He's been the calm to my storm in so many occasions and has lifted my spirits,even when I felt like I was at my lowest.He is and has been such a HUGE blessing to me from day one. It's weird because before I had a baby, I couldn't imagine myself with one,and know that I have him, I couldn't imagine my life WITHOUT him. He means so much to me. I never knew the capacity of my heart until I had him.
EVERYDAY it's something new with him.EVERYDAY, he finds a NEW way to piss me off and/or put a smile on my face. EVERYDAY he tests my AND teaches me patience.He's taught me NOT to stress over the "little" things,and to just enjoy life. He's my heart...I love him to pieces and I think he feels the same....he tells me that I'm the "Best mommy" and I'm the best "maker"(cook) and I believe him...lol Bottom line is that when he was born,God gave me the best gift he couold ever. I have someone who loves me 100% UNCONDITIONALLY, no matter what. He probably doesn't even know why he loves me...he just does...lol When he tells me he loves me, I don't hear it as much as I FEEL it, and I L-O-V-E that feeling. I love waking up to him,I love our conversations on the way to/from school. I love that he can't stay still for more than 20 seconds at a time,I love that he is constantly bouncing off of the walls, I love when he does something bad and he starts apologizing BEFORE I even see what he did, I love that at 4 years old, he is compassionate,he loves his mommy and knows that he is the man of the house, and acts accordingly...lol He is my WORLD...there is no me without him. I'm so blessed to have him and I hope that one day, he feels the same.
