So the reason for this post is because I'm proud of myself for something that recently happend. Okay, so as you all know, the past doesn't ALWAYS stay in the past, no matter how little relevance it has in your current situation/future plans....By "the pass" I mean ex's. We've all had that ONE(at least) ex that doesn't get "it" for one reason or another, or the ex that realizes what they had far too late in the game,ect. My last boyfriend/most current ex is no different.It's been about a year a 6 or 7 months I would say, since we were togther, its been a year and some change(a year and a few months) since I decided that I wantd absolutely NOTHING to do with him, on any level. I tried the whole "let's just be friends" deal and quickly learned that there are some ex's that you just can NOT be friends with(at least if you see that person in person and are in situations where things can go further than you want them to;physically)so we've been "friends from a distance" he calls and texts me all the time and if I dont answer he will email me, which irratates the shit out of me...ugh. But any ways, he'd been trying to "link up" for a while for dinner, supposedly wanted to talk to me face to face about something that HE said shouldn't be discussed over the phone. Yawn. Long story short, I met him for din-din. We talked, we laughed, we joked(I joked...he doesnt have a good sense of humor/doesnt get my jokes)...u know, all that gay shit that ex-couples do in the movies. Then shit started getting real....lol he started aking me about my personal life and I told him not to ask me questions that he would want an honest answer to unless he was willing to answer those same questions HONESTLY. He kept looking at me and smiling (some weird shit from his weird ass) and kept saying how much he missed "us"...I rolled my eyes and ordered a drink....lol He went on and on about how "different" he is now compared to how he was whe we were together.He acknowledged the fact that he still hasnt met a girl "like me" and how much he missed me. I didnt give shit and I didnt want to hear it so I told him to "stop" but he didnt. He kept rambling, i kept getting on my phone texting, trying toignore what he was saying. I blocked a lot of it out, but a few things stood out: he said that when he first met me, he only wanted to bone me....said that was just the shit he was on. He had just ended his marriage and didnt want a gf by any means. Said that he was just being a bachelor and met me in the midst of that. Said I wasnt supposed to be around after like 2 weeks but the more he was around me, the more he WANTED me to stay around. Said I made him laugh and happy and made him "feel like a man" and he always knew that whatever he was going through, he could pick up the phone,call me and before the phone call was up, he'd feel %110 better.Said in all this time, he still hasnt found anyone who came close to me and what we had....I heard him loud and clear and I believe every word of what he said. I know I'm a good woman, I treat my men like Kings.....I do laundry,I run baths,I make dinner(or pick it up) I give back rubs, I listen...I do all that stuff and at many points, he had me questioning if that/I was good enough.I questioned myself and my worth SO many times in that "relationship" an to this day, he makes me feel like I should "be over" all of what he put me through and to this day, I'm not. ANYTHING you can think of a man putting his woman through in a relationship, I've been through in that one.ANYTHING. Then, I remember "the end", when I physically could NOT cry any more(dead serious) and I woke up and decided that that shit was NOT for me anymore, when I stopped trying to "fix" something that was broken beyond repair, and decided to let go of of something I felt like he had let go of a long time ago. Then he wanted to "make things work" but he could see in my eyes I was done. He wanted me back BAD...pulled out all the stops. I remember him lying to me and saying that he had cancer. YES!!CANCER!! Said all he wanted was his "family" before he died. He would make himself throw up and say it was from the cancer. He even shaved his head!! All for the sake of trying to get back what his the entire time...up until shortly before that point. I remember when his brother told me he had lied about the cancer, I was livid!!Who the fuck lies about having Cancer?!?! And I'm like, you're doing all of this fo someone you've broken? I didnt get it(still don't) we went back and fourth about certain aspects/occurences of our relationship and certain things, he still wasn't willing to live up to and that got me even more upset, and by that time, I had had my second margarita so my emotions were a bit exxagerated.Whta got me was when he said that I'm "avoiding him" for a reason. Said that HE knows that I know that if we were around eachother on a consistent basis again, he could "win me back" he shouldnt have said that.....not to me. I went off....leaned on that ass. I pretty much told them that his bitches have him gassed because his wack ass "personality" couldnt/wouldnt win shit. He said "you're the first to sy so" and he went on about how he supposedly has all these girls(rats)checking for him, but he wants me and that if I didnt take the "oppurtunity" I would be missing out on "a good thing" I said to him, flat out: "regardless of how much you claim to have changed, I know how low you CAN stoop and how far you will go for the sake of keeping a lie alive. Those bitches can have you becase I bet that if they ARE hecking for you, they're actually checking for what they RHINK you are....I've had you...Ive seen you at your worst and your best and had your back during BOTH times in your life. You dont have anything to offer m, because what Jolanda thought she wanted bck then couldnt hold a candle to what Jolanda DEMANDS now.Apples and oranges baby.Im single for fucking reason and Im HAPPY or that same reason, and if I ever wake up and im feeling really really desperate, I'll hit you up, until then, let this shit go. I have love for you, but I don't love you. We could be on an island with no one but eachother for the rest of our lives and NONE of the feelings I used to have for you would come back...you've burned that bridge" he was stunned...mouth open, tears in his eyes....and then it was "time to go" he paid the check, he went to the bathroom, came back in complete silence, walked me to my car, gave me a long ass hug, said he loved me and we went our own seperate ways...I think he got it this time. He knows my heart and knows I hate to hurt people's feelings, so he has to know tht if I said it, I meant it. I just hope that THIS TIME, my past WILL stay in my past