Mixed Emotions...

Been feeling all kinds of ways, for the past 2 weeks or so.Don't know if it's due to the change in the weather or the changes in my life, but my emotions are all over the place.Been finding myself doing A LOT of daydreaming,lately. I've always been known to kind of zone out, but as of late, it's been out of control. I'm hopeful about some things/situation, sad about some and am having second and thirds thoughts about others. I kind of feel like im not in control of every aspect of my life and Im sure, that has something to do with the way I've been feeling.....it's weird. I can go from happy to sad in the blink of the eye and that's never really been me.I don't know....with age comes change. I just hope that these feelings are not permanent.I've been busy and have actually said "no" to a few things/few people, which is also very new for me.I have a lot wearing on my heart and I kind of feel like I'm going back to the person who would disguise and ignore her feelings in certain situations INSTEAD of acknowledging and facing/dealing with them.....No Bueno. "It's just a phase....It'll pass" is what Ive been telling myself to try to keep the tears at bay,but sometimes we NEED a good cry, and I've been having a nice helpings of them over the past 2 weeks. I feel sleep deprived,sad,mad,hopefully,angry,glad,dissapointed,excited ALL at the same time...It's like I PICK my emotions from day to day, to set the tone for my day and in the midst of things,something inside me shifts, I get a flashback, I think of him,I think of us, I think of my family,I think of my life and its a wrap on all of the "happy thoughts" I tried so hard to hold onto and replay over and over in my head.I need a vacation....a mental one. I KNOW I'll be fine in the end....I just hope the end is near.....

It alllll makes sense now....KINDA

http://www.youtube.com/hotdamnirock#p/u/25/IE9EGfrTH1s

Love YOURSELF

Okay, this post is random, but I was having a convo, today with one of my dearest friends about "loving yourself".Its funny because I feel like it took me a long while to get to the point where I could HONESTLY say that I DO love myself. We were talking about how, a lot of times, if a woman is cheated on, it can affect her self esteem, because she starts to question her value and question whether or not she is "good enough". In my last relationship, I WAS cheated on....A LOT. BUT I only questioned myself for a quick second, and QUICKLY came to the conclusion that it wasn't ME. I am pretty cool with my ex's ex-wife, who went through the same things I went through in that relationship, and because of that, I think she and I are as cool as we are: we "get" it.I don't think I would EVER question myself again when it comes to relationships, because I know how I am in them. .....therefore, I KNOW it's not me. My friend was saying how, if a guy cheats on you with someone completely different, it DOES make you question yourself...I get that and it's true, BUT for every POSITIVE will be a NEGATIVE. Case in point: my ex cheated on me with a girl with a huge ass(I was skinny at the time and admittedly, didnt have much booty, but overall, my body was nicer than hers....BITCH...lol)BUT she had NO boobs.She ALSO had FOUR kids....four BAD ASS kids.She was a loser; no job,not educated,hood as shit.....she was simply put: a "bum bitch". I was everything she wasn't and THAT was the part that stung me a little bit...Not saying Im the baddest bitch walking, but I couldnt understand how he could go from this *waves hand up and down body* to THAT. Thats always how it is though(according to my brother) a guy will have what he WANTS at home but for one reason or another, it's not enough. The nature that's given to men, I guess. I used to think that if a guy cheated, he must not love you....BUT I got older and watched my brother, closer and closer and came to the conclusion that one has nothing to do with the other. I KNOW my ex loved me, BUT he cheated like a mo-fo. Like I said, I questioned myself for a second and after I realized that HE was the problem,NOT me...I hanged my "game". Im soooo past the whole "be pleasing" mentality. Im not gunna make myself a better "fit" for anybody...if we click, we click. If we dont,we dont. Its so funny, because I used to care what people thought about me sooooo much, and now, I have such a strong "take it or leave it attitude", it's crazy...lol. But the thing about me is that I've ALWAYS been the type to lay my cards out on the table kind of girl....ALWAYS. Im no front, what you see is what you get and I will NEVER switch up.Thats just ME. I am who I am and I love who I am. Its just sad to me that even though she said differently, I know that my friend was starting to question herself....that sucks because to me, she's perfect.She has also ALWAYS had very high self esteem, and to see her doubting herself makes me sad. We had a long heart to heart and I can only hope that I got through to her.

What it is right now.....

So very heavy hearted,right now. Lost someone(in a sense) who meant so much to me. One of my BEST male friends.Someone I took for granted. Took every laugh,convo,minute we spent together FOR GRANTED. I was ALWAYS banking on tomorrow.He was someone who I could talk to about any and everything, and I did. I never lied to him, not because I didnt WANT to,sometimes, but because he knew me well enough to see right through it.He was someone who I lost contact with from time to time, but we ALWAYS found our way back......ALWAYS. It's crazy,because when we WOULD go for 2 or 3 months without talking, it didn't bother me...because I KNEW it was a matter of time before his cousin would be hitting me up,relaying a message from him, with his new number....I KNEW it. And when he was HEAVY on my mind, for like 4 days and I actually hit his cousin up BEFORE he hit me....I felt like something may have been wrong, but what I was told was far from what I was expecting. Ive never really lost someone who I felt so close to, in this way.It's different, but just as painful. I've lost sleep, I feel like I'm obsessing over it. I google and re-google, over and over, only to get the SAME info I got the previous time. My heart is in pieces. I feel like I took him for granted. I feel like I didnt cherish him the way I should have,I feel like I didn't tell him I loved him half as much as he told me. I feel like had I made the effort to be in constant contact,at LEAST for these past few months, he would have been able to share with me what he was dealing with emotionally, and I would have been able to help him deal with those feelings and think rationally. I feel sooooooo bad, for sooo many things that I probably couldnt have changed.I HATE this feeling, but I should probably get used to it. I wrote him to tell him that I'm not here to pass judgement,Im not here to make him feel any worse than he already does, and that I love him and that I am here for him....because I am.I love him, and I've loved him since the 10th grade...I couldn't turn my back on him, if I tried.I just wish I could shake this feeling. I wish he wouldnt run through my mind every 30 seconds, I wish I could stop staying up, trying to figure out why he did what he did/if I could have stopped it. I hate the way I feel. I hope he writes back. I hope he wants to see me. I hope he knows I mean it when I say, Im in his corner. I hope he's ok. I wish I could call him and have an all-night conversation about absolutely nothing, the way we used to. I try not to question God, but sometimes, I have to ask/wonder about things...why do people do the things they do? It's crazy because they say that each of our stories are already written BEFORE we are even born, and whats fucked up to me, is that,that tells me, that no matter how hard you try to be a good person, no matter how good of a person, u ARE,in a second, all of that can change by a decision that was technically made FOR you,BEFORE you were even born.Thats fucked up to me.I don't know, but it's driving me crazy. For the last few days, Ive been crying at least 5 times a day...I wake up crying...this shit s taking it's toll on me.All I can do is what I told him I would, and pray...Im doing both.

Are Black women too loyal for our OWN good?

As a black woman, I feel like I've been looked at as many things...one thing in particular is LOYAL. Black women are loyal to their soil....period. You see it allllll the time: a chick will be with a dude(a nigga) who takes a cut of HER paycheck,lives in HER house,cheats on her left and right,and for some reason or another, she can't/ won't leave Ray-Ray alone.Why is that? I can say from my OWN fucked up,personal experience, that no matter how bad a situation with a dude gets,it's not as easy as it seems to leave a dude(a nigga) alone.Black girls may be a lot of things, but when it comes to relationships being a "quitter" isnt one of those things.We are the "ride or die" chicks Ja Rule rapped(sang)about,we will hold our dude(nigga) down....even when the shit doesn't make any sense. How many times have you heard about a chick (black chick) catching her dude(nigga) cheating,and instead of going straight to the source of the problem(that no good nigga), she goes STRAIGHT to the other woman, as if it's HER fault and NOT shady ass Ray-Ray.I don't get it, but in some ways, Im pretty sure Im guilty of it too(Ive never fought over a guy,but I've DEF held some "Ray Rays" down to the fullest)I've never dated outside of my race, but sometimes I question:How can so many Black Women NOT date outside of their race?? Sometimes guys(niggas) can be SUCH a turnoff and no matter what they look like,a lot of times,the shit that they let come out of their mouths cancels out any physical attraction that couldve been there (smh).Just a few days ago, when I took my son to get a haircut (one of the few times where I am immersed in Nigga culture,these days) I watched/listened to these guys talk about things ranging from:buying a used Cadillac even though he didnt have a job because it was "CLEAN AS FUCK,DAWG",to how one dude there had a girlfriend who he was dealing with, but was trying to get at one of her friends because the friend seems more "Bout it" and lastly, some other guy inquiring if anybody had that "New Call of Duty Shit".....NO ONE in the place had ANYTHING that was even BORDERLINE intelligent to say.....nothing. "Niggas are stupid" thats all I could think.If those group of guys(niggas) represent the A-typical Black Male in America, where's the attraction??Bitches LOVE Niggas...it's that simple. I just feel/felt like the ONLY thing that could keep Black Women to sticking to the "Ray Rays" of the world is:LOYALTY.Black MEN have NO problem straying from their race,but Black WOMEN are extraordinary in their dedication to the Black Man (nigga)...no matter how many ups and downs she goes through with/for Ray Ray,she will NOT change team colors, she will put up with the simple mind of the Madden obsessed,Rap music bumping,Polo rocking,look at ur home girl's ass on the slide,African American Male(niggas).Why are we so loyal to our race,when a Black Man(nigga) will openly flaunt his love For Becky,Maria or Kim-Lee??WHY?? Black Men are genetically encoded to be "cool"...there are many stereotypes about Black Men(Niggas) but through it all, Black Men(Niggas) are even STEREOTYPICALLY considered "cooler" than any other race...hence the white guys who listen to Gucci Mayne,the mexicans who are so immersed in the black culture that he starts calling his mexican friends "nigga" instead of the traditional "foo" or the asian guy who dresses like Kanye or is covered in tats like Weezy....I get it.NOTHING'S cooler than a Nigga. Some black women DO date white guys...not the Paul Wall type of guys who may as well be black(niggas) themselves.Im talking about the Vegan guy who likes to go camping or hiking.I honestly have never met a HOOD chick actually fall for this type of guy,though. I think a part of what attracts Black Women to Black Men (Niggas) is the fact that we can kind of relate to them on certain levels. So why is it that a Black Woman who's been played by 7 different niggas since she was 16 continues to seek out a "Fine Black Man",whereas a Black Man, thats been done dirty by ONE black girl in middle school,will EASILY run to a white girl?I honestly think it's something embedded in Black Women to want to "be there" for a Black Man(OUR Black Man),no matter how much of an asshole he is.Some DNA encoded loyalty gene that gives goon ass NIGGAS who sit around in barbershops talking about the dumbest shit,shot after shot. I don't get it , but I aknowledge it.I don't respect it, but I accept it.Hopefully some of the Black Woman's loyalty will rub off on our Black Men, that way we can have a valid reason for holding them down the way we do.

What's YOUR favorite part of Yourself??

My favorite part of myself has to be my sense of humor...I think that people genuinely like me for my sense of humor a bit more than they like me for my looks and im more than okay with that. i love a good laugh...i pride myself in sick vulgar jokes....i don't see the point to wrinkle over making everything so serious...i crave the kind of humor when your rolling on the floor and you can't breathe...i like to see a person smile...I love to MAKE people smile and laugh, even if they are laughing AT me, instead of WITH me....i like humorous people...I LOVE sarcasm...that is what you call "asshole humor"...i like borderline corny and fucked up humor...i ALWAYS have something to say...even if that something is a "wow" that makes you feel dumb as shit, you'll laugh. I can find "the funny" in any situation and make anyone laugh...at LEAST smile, even when they are feeling their worst.Laughter is such a beautiful thing.I guess you might be a bit shocked to find none of my physical attributes to be my "favorite"...my tits aren't permanently perky...my gams will soon loose their tone...my hair may turn gray and brittle..my skin will shrivel from all the sun exposure...BUT my humor...my humor will forever stay with me...even when i am old and senile and still insane and telling MYSELF the jokes that I used to tell other...I will STILL have jokes...lol

"Mamma's gotta have a life,too?"

So, I'm writing this post, on my way out the door from work. I just read a post by my friend and fellow blogger Nichole (Heeeyyy guuuurrrllll...lol) touching on the topic of dating/booty calls,ect. as a parent. She was saying how like myself, she grew up without a father and how she actually ENCOURAGED her mother to date so that she could finally have a "father" and they could be a family and how her mother pretty much did the opposite of that, went years without dating/sex all for the sake of her children.MY situation is almost completely different. I did grow up with very little contact with my father and I was raised by my mother who was technically my aunt.Unlike Nichole, I honestly NEVER gave a shit about not having a dad...it never bothered me. But I guess it goes back to the saying"you can't miss what you've never had" and I didn't.My mother dated.....A LOT. I can't even tell you how many men I'd saw my mom with,growing up.That was just a part of who she was, and she actually ENCOURAGED my sisters and I to "Treat niggas the way they TRY to treat you".....she encouraged us to "milk" niggas...and to NEVER give anything up for free. My mom was money motivated in EVERYTHING she did, so I guess for her, it only made sense.Okay, enough about her/the past. Nichole also talked about how there are parents(BOTH mothers and fathers) who have no discretion as to who they bring around their children,how MANY people they bring around their children,ect. Personally,I have a "thing" about who I bring around my son and that may subconsciously be a reason I don't really date. I have brought all of maybe 4 male FRIENDS around my son and 1 boyfriend(we lived together, so....) it freaks me out to bring a guy that Im dating around my son because there are sooooo many "what ifs" and I don't want to confuse him and I ALSO don't want him to think his mom is a freak, therefore thinking that ALL women are freaks(they say that a mother is a son's first wife and a father is a daughter's first boyfriend)It's hard dating with a child because you feel like once you become a mom, you become a "packaged deal" and a lot of women become insecure in dating because of that....Im not. I AM a packaged deal...a man can't have ME without MY son. That statement is probably the only thing I get really nervous about. I kind of feel like guys kind of have this preconcieved notion that a mother(a SINGLE mother,at that) is looking for a "stand in"...someone to play daddy, someone to take care of them and their kid/kids...that's not the case with me, at all. I'm a single mother to my core, I've pretty much ALWAYS been a single mother(aside form the few months his dad was in his life) and I'm proud of the fact that I hold my son down by myself; no county check,no food stamps,no wic, nothing. I don't depend on anyone but myself for anything and niether my son or myself wants or needs ANYTHING.I always get freaked out because I don't want a guy to think I'm looking for a stand-in.Having a son has DEF changed the game for me. I was never a wild child, I was never a booty call, ect and with having a son, I could NEVER be any of those things...lol It's a good thing though, he has taught me soooooooo much and has kept me grounded and he loves me in a way that no (other) man ever could.He loves me unconditionally...he probably doesn't even know/understand WHY he loves me, but he does(such a beautiful thing when he says "I love you,mommy" before bed and instead of just HEARING it, I FEEL it.I say all that to say this: when you become a mother, dating and maintaing a healthy and "normal" life for your child becomes a juggling act and a lot of times, moms(and some fathers too) feel like they have to choose one over the other.Im stuck in the middle, I guess. and for a VERY LONG time, I just chose not to date,because I wasn't sure how to maintain balance between the 2. I still don't have this mastered, but Im sure Im a lot better at it then I was 2 years ago.You live and you learn....Im just trying to do BOTH

"For Colored Girls Only"...Not for THIS Colored girl

So Tyler Perry's "For Colored Girls Only" debuted this weekend.EVERYONE and thier mom's(your mom,too) went to see it. I didn't.I planned too, but I wasn't pressed about it enough to actually go and see it. For those of you who don't know,this film is an adaptation of the play "For Colored Girl who have Considered Suicide when the Rainbow is enuf" which was like a "choreopoem"; 20 poems performed by 7 women...I would have killed my mamma to see something like that! lol Honestly,being that the film WAS based on a play, if the producer/director been anyone BUT Tyler Perry, I would have been the first to see it....but Tyler Perry WAS in charge of this film.I've heard all of my friends(and other people,too) rave about how good it was, I have friends(like my best friend) tell me how depressing it was,and people like my mom tell me how it was so "real"....and then you have the critics that threw dirt all over the film.

“Tyler Perry is the most influential African-American director since Spike Lee, and certainly the most financially successful ever, none of which can disguise that he's a terrible filmmaker.” – Corey Hall

For Colored Girls feels like the cinematic equivalent to putting a garish reproduction of the Sistine Chapel on the ceiling of your McMansion and calling it art.” – Mary Pols of Time Magazine

The thing, for me isn't what my friends say OR what the critics say,it's just that for 1: Tyler Perry doesn't do "it" for me....Black people seem to think that he is the best thing since sushi, but for me, he's "ok" at best. In my opinion, he exploits and a lot of times supports stereotypical views/thoughts about Black People.Why does EVERY one of his movies HAVE to have at least one loud mouthed black woman?Why is there some kind of drug or alcohol problem in every one of his movies? How many times can he make a movie about a woman getting beat? I just don't think it's fair to go and support such fuckery...dude is papered up any ways, I highly doubt my little $10 ticket hardly affected his sales ($20 million the opening weekend) 2) Im not trying to go and see a 2 hour long movie that's gunna play out scenarios that are gunna add to my insecurities about myself, my life, relationships,ect...for what? Im not trying to sit in a movie theatre for 2 hours and cry the entire time because the movie is so "real"...well, if I don't know the people that the characters are based on, and If Ive never been in any of the scenarios, how "REAL" could it be to ME?? Im just saying...maybe Im over thinking, or maybe I'm just REALLY starting to think. I don't think Tyler Perry is a great or even GOOD film maker.I read once that he was being compared to Spike Lee, which in my opinion IS THE ULTIMATE film maker/director. I feel like comparing the 2 of them is like comparing root bear to Dr. Pepper...yeah, they're both "black" and they are BOTH sodas, but one tastes like shit, while the other is pure and utterly delicious(weird comparison, but you get my drift..lol) I guess of ALL the black people in the world, I am the exception to the "Tyler Perry Cult"....he doesn't move me in the way he does everyone else and I think that the bottom line is that he is making bread(in large amounts) off of exploiting Black People...and people pay their money(probably made from selling drugs, if you ask Mr. Perry...lol/smh) to see it.I don't think Ive EVERY seen any of his movies in a theatre...and probably won't . Im not against him or his hustle...I just dont support it.

Catapult Higher

There are times where I(and Im sure you, as well)feel like NOTHING matters.....and then there are those times where EVERYTHING does.Thoughts and feelings can change in a matter of seconds and in those SAME seconds, your world can change for the better or worse.I realize more and more,everyday that my time is valuable and NOTHING or NO ONE is EVER worth getting so caught up on that I let any of my time slip away unused.Seconds are ticking and hors are creeping, ALL in which once gone, can NEVER be done over or taken back. Time is moving forward,so is life and so should we.What do we do when we are feeling polar? We bundle up. What do we do when we're ankle deep in b.s.? We build our bridges higher.The fact of the matter is: when you dont like something, you should do something(aside from complaining) about it and keep it moving....NOT dwell on some shit that you are too coward to change. I've been doing A LOT of reflectiong and planning. I know where I AM in life and I know where in the next year I WILL be(I dont "plan" to be anywhere because plans are pretty much meant to be broken)I took a long,deep look at my "picture", found some things I loved,and some that I didn't...it's hit or miss for me at this point.So im stepping back,pulling back and slinging forward to catapult myself HIGHER than I've ever been.Im seeing things so clearly now, and Im making more and more sense of things and for the things/people that I dont NEED, I'm gunna let go....pure and simple.Trying to ELEVATE myself.Im getting there.....ONE change at a time.ONE prayer at a time.ONE choice at a time....I'm getting there =0)

My Beauty Tips/Tricks/Secrets...

Eye Brows- Eye Brows frame your face and can make or break your look. ALWAYS use ash toned fillers(pencils,powders OR gel) to get the most natural appearance.

Concealer- Concealer should actually FOLLOW foundation...if you put on concealer FIRST and then put on foundation, you are essentially erasing all of your handy work.If you layer concealer on TOP of foundation,it's staying put and doing what you need it to be doing.

Different Strokes-Normally, I use 2 to 3 DIFFERENT mascaras when applying it. Different Mascaras do different things and therefore all add to your look.I normally do 1 coat of each.


Draw the Line-To make your liquid eye line more precise, use a pencil(flesh toned/brown) to make a "stencil" on your lids BEFORE using the liquid.

Easiest Smokey Eye Possible- Use a dark green or dark plun liner all over the lid then "smoke out" /clean up with a q-tip

Conditioning Cue- To make sure my hair reaps all of the benifits from my conditioner, I ALWAYS take at LEAST a hot 10 minute shower. The steam helps break down the conditioner into your hair's folicle, which is the point of the conditioner,any ways...lol

Bright Eyed-My FAVORITE trick to make my eyes "pop" is to put either n off-white eyeshadow,or a shimmery beige cream eyeshadow JUST in the inner corners of my eyes(blend,blend,blend, if you are using cream!!) it gives this angelice feel to your eyes...I love it!

The Ball's Finally Rolling...

So,as you know, I was in Vegas for Halloween weekend.I went with a group of 11 girls,all beautiful in there own way. I used to be so intimidated while being around beautiful women but as the years pass and the compliments add up,my confidence has been pushed to a whole new level.Out of the 11 of us, I was the only one who had a kid;therefore the only single mother,the only one who's body was no longer "perfect" and yet, my head was held higher than EVERYONE else's I was feeling myself(and so were the dudes...lol) the ENTIRE weekend and I stole the attention of everyone in every room that I walked in.....I was "That Bitch" and no one could tell me anything different.I say all that to get to my next point:Modeling. Everyone who has known me for a while knows how Modeling has ALWAYS been a passion of mine.How my FIRST "purchase" when I got my first/very own debit card was a subscription to ELLE magazine.How every month I would cut out the models;every look,every race,every body shape,EVERY model. And how models LITERALLY covered all 4 walls in my bedroom(inside my closet,too).How I would cry at the end of EVERY episode of ANTM because I knew how it felt to be so passionate about something and to be told for one reason or anothter that you are not good enough. How when I was IN LABOR having my son, I refused the epidural until I was able to watch the season premiere of ANTM even though I was in nearly umbarable pain.Modeling has ALWAYS been my thing and I smile every time someone asks me if I model or hints at the fact that they think I could easily be one.BUT, unfortunately, my modeling dream is one that I let go of long ago. Being raised the way I was;self esteem constantly being broken,being constantly put down,having NO support team, no one to push me, no one to tell me that I WAS good enough makes following a dream nearly impossible.I regret NOT following that dream everyday,every time my ex sister in law sends me info for a fashion show she thinks I would be good in,every time she gets mad at me for making up excuses as to why I "can't" do this show, or make this audition....I regret it, but my confidence isnt high enough and the sound of my mother's voice is STILL in my head telling me WHY I "can"t model....sad but very true.It seems like, for me hair and makeup has somehow partially filled the void that my dream of modeling has left. I love doing hair and makeup. I am constantly complimented on BOTH.When we were in Vegas, i was re-introduced to a girl named Nichole (she's gorgeous) who is an inspiring model(she's DEF on her way) and she fell in love with the way I did my and my best friend's hair and makeup......she freaking loved it. She was telling me how she is putting together a "Glam-Squad" for when ever she had a photo shoot,audition,fashion show,appearance, or WHATEVER and she said she REALLY liked the way I did things and she could NOT believe that a)I hadn't gone to school for hair and makeup(that I was self taught) and b) that I wasnt actively working in the beauty industry.She told me that she DEF wanted me on her team, we exchanged info,and she called me to be in charge of hair and makeup for a photo shoot next week. Im so happy and scared at the same time. Ive def wanted to move forward with the whole hair and makeup thing,but sometimes I question whether or not Im ready. Ive been online all night googling different looks,taking so many notes, creating looks of my own....ect There is A LOT that goes into creating a look for someone,AND Ive never done "camera-ready" makeup...ugh. This is a lot....BUT I'm ready...Im so ready. I think that this is only the begining for me and the ball is FINALLY rolling in the direction that I want/need it to.It's gunna be a challenge, but I welcome it. I wanna get my name/face/work out there and see how far this makeup thing can take me.I love it and IT seems to love me, so we shall see....I'm a perfectionist which can be a gift and a curse,hopefully I can make 2011 mine!!!!! *Evil laugh*

RED Brick Road

I dont know what it is but i always go back to what i am comfortable with...

its evident that i see good in everyone...it clear that i Love to Love.Im a realist,BUT I always try to find the silver lining in any person OR situation when it comes to viewing the light at the end of the tunnel...nothing is ever certain and nothing is ever promised,BUT life is MAINLY what you make of it. I use to follow the line because i was told to...then i realized i was never a follower nor a leader...i marched by myself and people seemed to accept then learn to respect...i strive for perfection but its in my own little twisted sense...i believe that people dont try to be different for the sake of originality...they are just brave enough to show the world who they really are...I'm no different.There are soooo many things about myself (as a person) that I fucking love. I have a heart of gold, I would do ANYTHING for ANY one of my loved ones.I know that a HUGE part of why I am the way I am is because I ALWAYS put myself in other people's position...I ALWAYS ask myself "what if it were ME" and I act according to how my heart is lead and what I hope someone would do for me. I love life,I love people,and I ADORE the people IN my life because I know that they are all there for a reason and ALL contribute or contributed to the person I am.I try to be hard, but i wear my heart on both sleeves and sometimes i wish i could laser it off...i learned that this is what life is about....you make mistakes for souvenirs...so when you look at them you never follow that fucking red brick road again....I'm learning,Im accepting,and Im GROWING and I couldnt be happier. I don't know where this rando post came from, but I'm happy it did and Im happy to be able to share how Im feeling....2 years ago, this would NOT have be the case whatsoever...I'm happy, im taking these steps/having my fumbles while walking down this RED brick road....I'm counting my steps along the way and remembering how each one has made me better =0)