"Mamma's gotta have a life,too?"

So, I'm writing this post, on my way out the door from work. I just read a post by my friend and fellow blogger Nichole (Heeeyyy guuuurrrllll...lol) touching on the topic of dating/booty calls,ect. as a parent. She was saying how like myself, she grew up without a father and how she actually ENCOURAGED her mother to date so that she could finally have a "father" and they could be a family and how her mother pretty much did the opposite of that, went years without dating/sex all for the sake of her children.MY situation is almost completely different. I did grow up with very little contact with my father and I was raised by my mother who was technically my aunt.Unlike Nichole, I honestly NEVER gave a shit about not having a dad...it never bothered me. But I guess it goes back to the saying"you can't miss what you've never had" and I didn't.My mother dated.....A LOT. I can't even tell you how many men I'd saw my mom with,growing up.That was just a part of who she was, and she actually ENCOURAGED my sisters and I to "Treat niggas the way they TRY to treat you".....she encouraged us to "milk" niggas...and to NEVER give anything up for free. My mom was money motivated in EVERYTHING she did, so I guess for her, it only made sense.Okay, enough about her/the past. Nichole also talked about how there are parents(BOTH mothers and fathers) who have no discretion as to who they bring around their children,how MANY people they bring around their children,ect. Personally,I have a "thing" about who I bring around my son and that may subconsciously be a reason I don't really date. I have brought all of maybe 4 male FRIENDS around my son and 1 boyfriend(we lived together, so....) it freaks me out to bring a guy that Im dating around my son because there are sooooo many "what ifs" and I don't want to confuse him and I ALSO don't want him to think his mom is a freak, therefore thinking that ALL women are freaks(they say that a mother is a son's first wife and a father is a daughter's first boyfriend)It's hard dating with a child because you feel like once you become a mom, you become a "packaged deal" and a lot of women become insecure in dating because of that....Im not. I AM a packaged deal...a man can't have ME without MY son. That statement is probably the only thing I get really nervous about. I kind of feel like guys kind of have this preconcieved notion that a mother(a SINGLE mother,at that) is looking for a "stand in"...someone to play daddy, someone to take care of them and their kid/kids...that's not the case with me, at all. I'm a single mother to my core, I've pretty much ALWAYS been a single mother(aside form the few months his dad was in his life) and I'm proud of the fact that I hold my son down by myself; no county check,no food stamps,no wic, nothing. I don't depend on anyone but myself for anything and niether my son or myself wants or needs ANYTHING.I always get freaked out because I don't want a guy to think I'm looking for a stand-in.Having a son has DEF changed the game for me. I was never a wild child, I was never a booty call, ect and with having a son, I could NEVER be any of those things...lol It's a good thing though, he has taught me soooooooo much and has kept me grounded and he loves me in a way that no (other) man ever could.He loves me unconditionally...he probably doesn't even know/understand WHY he loves me, but he does(such a beautiful thing when he says "I love you,mommy" before bed and instead of just HEARING it, I FEEL it.I say all that to say this: when you become a mother, dating and maintaing a healthy and "normal" life for your child becomes a juggling act and a lot of times, moms(and some fathers too) feel like they have to choose one over the other.Im stuck in the middle, I guess. and for a VERY LONG time, I just chose not to date,because I wasn't sure how to maintain balance between the 2. I still don't have this mastered, but Im sure Im a lot better at it then I was 2 years ago.You live and you learn....Im just trying to do BOTH