So,as you know, I was in Vegas for Halloween weekend.I went with a group of 11 girls,all beautiful in there own way. I used to be so intimidated while being around beautiful women but as the years pass and the compliments add up,my confidence has been pushed to a whole new level.Out of the 11 of us, I was the only one who had a kid;therefore the only single mother,the only one who's body was no longer "perfect" and yet, my head was held higher than EVERYONE else's I was feeling myself(and so were the dudes...lol) the ENTIRE weekend and I stole the attention of everyone in every room that I walked in.....I was "That Bitch" and no one could tell me anything different.I say all that to get to my next point:Modeling. Everyone who has known me for a while knows how Modeling has ALWAYS been a passion of mine.How my FIRST "purchase" when I got my first/very own debit card was a subscription to ELLE magazine.How every month I would cut out the models;every look,every race,every body shape,EVERY model. And how models LITERALLY covered all 4 walls in my bedroom(inside my closet,too).How I would cry at the end of EVERY episode of ANTM because I knew how it felt to be so passionate about something and to be told for one reason or anothter that you are not good enough. How when I was IN LABOR having my son, I refused the epidural until I was able to watch the season premiere of ANTM even though I was in nearly umbarable pain.Modeling has ALWAYS been my thing and I smile every time someone asks me if I model or hints at the fact that they think I could easily be one.BUT, unfortunately, my modeling dream is one that I let go of long ago. Being raised the way I was;self esteem constantly being broken,being constantly put down,having NO support team, no one to push me, no one to tell me that I WAS good enough makes following a dream nearly impossible.I regret NOT following that dream everyday,every time my ex sister in law sends me info for a fashion show she thinks I would be good in,every time she gets mad at me for making up excuses as to why I "can't" do this show, or make this audition....I regret it, but my confidence isnt high enough and the sound of my mother's voice is STILL in my head telling me WHY I "can"t model....sad but very true.It seems like, for me hair and makeup has somehow partially filled the void that my dream of modeling has left. I love doing hair and makeup. I am constantly complimented on BOTH.When we were in Vegas, i was re-introduced to a girl named Nichole (she's gorgeous) who is an inspiring model(she's DEF on her way) and she fell in love with the way I did my and my best friend's hair and makeup......she freaking loved it. She was telling me how she is putting together a "Glam-Squad" for when ever she had a photo shoot,audition,fashion show,appearance, or WHATEVER and she said she REALLY liked the way I did things and she could NOT believe that a)I hadn't gone to school for hair and makeup(that I was self taught) and b) that I wasnt actively working in the beauty industry.She told me that she DEF wanted me on her team, we exchanged info,and she called me to be in charge of hair and makeup for a photo shoot next week. Im so happy and scared at the same time. Ive def wanted to move forward with the whole hair and makeup thing,but sometimes I question whether or not Im ready. Ive been online all night googling different looks,taking so many notes, creating looks of my own....ect There is A LOT that goes into creating a look for someone,AND Ive never done "camera-ready" makeup...ugh. This is a lot....BUT I'm ready...Im so ready. I think that this is only the begining for me and the ball is FINALLY rolling in the direction that I want/need it to.It's gunna be a challenge, but I welcome it. I wanna get my name/face/work out there and see how far this makeup thing can take me.I love it and IT seems to love me, so we shall see....I'm a perfectionist which can be a gift and a curse,hopefully I can make 2011 mine!!!!! *Evil laugh*
