What's happening to Black Girls while Nerds,Inspiring Rappers and social rejects seem to flourish in these "New" technologically advanced times. For some reason, sooooo many BLACK women have gotten off to such a bad start in the past few years, it's truly saddening and sometimes EMBARRASSING to wear the title "BLACK WOMAN" I know everyone is different and should be treated accordingly but we ALL know that that isn't realistic now-a-days or really EVER. Something is happening to Black women though, there is a "defect' in ALL of us and if Doc Brown comes to me and says "Jolie, it's 2011 now, and by the year 2031, ALL decent Black Women, EXCEPT yourself will be EXTINCT" I would believe him because I already see the signs:
*INDIAN HAIR
Black Women will do ANYTHING to get it, they have even PROUDLY boasted about how having that "good shit" sewn into their head tops their list of MUST do's. Women will pay their rent/car not LATE to have a new weave right after pay day. They will even put the shit on lay-away....I didn't even think you could still put shit on lay-away, then I find out you can set up a payment plan for some fucking HAIR!!COME ONNNNNNN,sonn!! In India, they give this shit away (well, the sell it, but for a very small price)...they eat some curry,drink a 5-hour energy and go to the temple and get their hair shaven off. I'm not gunna try and act "Holier than thou" and pretend that I don't like a good weave every NOW AND THEN, but handling my business takes priority over EVERYTHING....ESPECIALLY over a few ounces of Remi. I couldn't imagine spending HUNDREDS, even THOUSANDS of dollars on HAIR!! I feel like it's a woman's job to know how to make herself look good...with or without a weave or, if u do wear a weave, the pricetag shouldnt necissarily determine how good ur shit looks...a real woman knows how to "work her shit" I've only had 2 full weaves in my entire life, I've always done my own hair and I with a good flat iron and ebough Jedi mind control to have my CLIP INS give Naomi Campbells weave a run for her money. BOSS UP,Ladies!
*SKINNY JEANS
Face it: Skinny Jeans are in, but I can't stand to see them worn the wrong way. The skinny jean plague is running Rampant through Urban America. At first it was all good, but then bitches started thinking/acting like skinny jeans were one size fits all . I was shopping one day and went to go try on some clothes, I overheard 2 girls in the fitting room next to me debating on whether one of the friend's should buy some skinnies and I heard one "friend" say "If you can fit into them, you should get them, girl" in the words of Shakespeare "Where fort thou doish that at?" I'm thinking "Skinny jeans aren't pajama pants,bitch! Not everyone looks right in them,therefore not everyone should rock them!" If you squeeze your wide ass in them, it looks like a fight is being waged in your pants.The first victim is taste,second victim is class and the third victim is that poor zipper. If you have thick legs, wear a skirt...men love to see thick thighs accentuated by a tiny(but fitting) skirt. Don't try to keep up with the Keri Hilsons of the world, unless you're willing to eat NOTHING but pussy and celery sticks, like Ms. Keri does(nothing wrong with that, I may add...lol)
*Facebook
I know I'm extremely late, but I have YET to see "The Social Network" but when I do, I hope it begins with a scrolling caption "BEFORE Black People Joined...." and THEN tell the story. If I was white, I'd be racist after seeing how Blacks treat their facebook pages...Black WOMEN in particular. I'm not talking about the "classic" bathroom pics that we ALL have, I'm talking about the dumb ass feed stories and internet slander that goes on all day,every day.Hint: "inseider" or "they know who they are" sounds young as shit and make you look dumb and uber immature. If you have a problem with your cousin's girlfriend, inbox the bitch, or better yet, pick up a phone like the old days. I dodn't sign up to be in the middle of a catfight. Ive also seen women post some of the loneliest, attention grabbing shit I've ever seen in my life. I once saw a girl update her relationship status FOUR times in the span of a week-ONE week. I just felt like if the relationship is THAT rocky,babygirl shouldn't you hold off on letting the internet know you're "engaged" until you actually get the ring, or at LEAST a clean Aids test back that you've been hoping for? Facebook is becoming a mess. Guys stay on Facebook cus they think it's the new Myspace, with bitches who actually respond to messages. WE stay on Facebook because it's the closest thing to a shallow High School experience since, well, High School
*BLACK MEN
As Black women, we are intelligent, sexy and compassionate amongst other things. Of all women, I think the Black Woman has the ability to survive, adapt and basically make something out of nothing, use what we have to get what we want and then some. I thought we would have seen a Black FEMALE President before a Black Male president....so what happend?? NIGGAS.You can take the most put together Black Woman, but once a man puts his hooks in, it's a wrap! I don't care if you're a Law student or working the counter at Jamba Juice, once a nigga dicks you down or talks to you the "right way" you'll throw everything away...we've ALL been there or WILL be at one point o another. And if you don't or haven't, you will at LEAST come close to it.I've been one and have seen a woman who becomes emotionally unhinged after a man did her/does her dirty. Hearing the term "Niggas ain't shit" translated to us as :"BEWARE OF DOG" when we were little.Just like that kid that hard headed kid that throws his ball in the next yard and goes in to get it, knowing he's gunna get a chunk of his ass bitten off if he does. As Black Women, we will read all the books, memorize EVERY issue of Cosmo,exchange horror stories of how/why "NIGGAS AIN'T SHIT" with our girls,see ALL the warning signs and bear YEARS of experience---but if a nigga's game is tight enough, we will re-enter that "yard" KNOWING our ass is grass.SMH
*NICKI MINAJ
This bitch(who's music I adore, for the most part) has driven Black Women fucking MAD!! She has Whoopi Goldberg looking bitches calling themselves "Barbie", she has bitches thinking it's okay to rock bleach-blonde hair,regardless of their complexion.She has every female from the age of like 13 to like 34 changing their last name on myspace ti "Minaj", she has gay guys thinking that wearing pink and wearing a pink wig/taking "sexy" pictures makes them look like a "Barbie"....her whole image has taken the eff over!! Black Women have lost their damn minds! I love Nicki(been rocking with her and her music from day one...BIG fan) but if I see one more(just one) fat black woman rocking a catsuit,trying to be like Nicki/partially blinding us ALL...I'm gunna flip my lid!! Ro-Ro- Roger THAT!
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
This post is one that I probably should have started the year off with BUT better late than never, I guess. I just want to encourage EVERYONE to follow their dreams. WHATEVER your dream may be, no matter how big or small, no matter how impossible it may seem, follow that shit until you live it. I'm def going to practice what I preach in many different ways.As you know, at one point in time modeling was my biggest dream. I wanted to model more than I wanted to live, but growing up the way I did, I gave that dream up after years of no support from the person I felt I needed it from never happend. My brother's ex girlfriend wants me to persue modeling soooooooo bed. She is ALWAYS hitting me up with info on casting calls, ect. And just recently, my brother actually told me that I was beautiful and that modeling was my calling and NOT to deny that part of my life. It always feels so nice to hear people ask if I model or suggest that I do so. Modeling is just one of many dreams that I am going to try and persue. I just have to stop second guessing myself on things.I want to be an inspiration to my son to show him that sky really is the limit and that he can do ANYTHING he wants and I def want to lead by example and SHOW him as opposed to just TELLING him. I dont want to make this a long and drawn out post, so I will keep it simple in saying:FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!! If you've always dreamt of being a professional Ninja Turtle, DO THAT SHIT!! We only get one life and any and everything we want is ours for the taking!! Dream big and work hard!! Own this year!
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Had a conversation with a pretty close male friend and we were talking about WHY we feel we're single,what we want in a person,and things like that and he said something that kind of threw me. He told me that I was a lot of what he wanted in a woman and that he found himself comparing women that considered dating to ME(personality wise) and he also said that the main reason he had never pressed me was because he valued our friendship too much and didn't want to think of us potentially breaking up and breaking OFF our friendship. He said everything all casual like like it was no big deal....the way of a man, I guess. I was very flattered and it just solidified the fact that you NEVER really know who's "watching you" and you never REALLY know how much of an impact you can make on someone's life without realizing they even care enough to notice. This reminded me of the movie "Just Wright" a little bit, because of the way Queen Latifah's character in the movie was "sticking to the script" so to speak with her "relationship" with Common's character(she never tried to press, kept things kosher), the same way I have with this friend and unbeknownst to me AND Queen Latifah's character, someone was taking notice. Someone who I didn't think cared enough(in that way) to care enough to notice at all.I think it ALL comes down to personality and a person's heart. I like to make people laugh...I like to laugh. I'm the first to laugh at myself or call MYSELF out. What you see is what you get with me, I don't have many angles,I lay my cards out on the table, and I have such a "take it or leave it" attitude, it's ridiculous...lol I'm full of flaws,but I'm stitched together with good intentions. I don't claim to be "different", I just don't try to be the same. I'm ME,I never switch up...I stay true by any means necessary and I think people take notice. I don't "try"...trying can get tiring after a long time of doing it and I can be a lazy bum sometimes...lol I don't really know what the main point in this post is, so I will just make one up. BE YOU, by any means.....BE YOU. You NEVER know who's watching/taking notice. A genuine person is the most beautiful of them all.If you are genuinely a BITCH, BE that 7 days a week.No matter who/what you are,OWN that shit.....that's what makes you,YOU and sets you apart from the rest of them...don't try to blend in, if you're on some OTHER shit, STAY on it.At the end of the day, you are who you are, regardless of what you let other people see...why NOT let them see it.Personality is attractive, having a confident/STRONG personality is even sexier. Be you, you sexy bitch!! LOL
Sincerely Yours
-J Bellz
Sincerely Yours
-J Bellz
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Focusing on Staying Focused
So, it's 2011, I will be 25 this year(Ugh, I can't cope....),my son will be 5, and on my list of accomplishments, I draw a blank. This saddens me, so. It's weird because by the time I was 18 and left home, I had an idea of what my life would "end up" being like.....what my life turned out to be is the polar opposite.
I was a lot like Joan from Girlfriends.....By 30 I wanted to be finished with school,pursuing a successful career,married(or engaged),child-less, and HAPPY. Yeah, that was my plan....but LIFE happend. Im not going to go into detail about what "went wrong" or anything.....instead, I will just "RE-WRITE" my plan, and this time, I'll be sure to include reality.
My plans are a lot of what they were when I was that 18 year old girl, in my room "planning" my life BEFORE I left home, thinking that because I was "planning" before acting, the chips would fall in the right order.
*School. I've decided to go back. What's kept me from going back sooner, was a combination of being unsure of what I wanted to go to school FOR,not having time to go(my son wasn't in school),and my second guessing myself(as I ALWAYS do). I've decided that I want to WRITE.Writing has ALWAYS been my "escape". I write everything. I LOVE words, so I'm going to do something with that love. I want to be a journalist,an editor,SOMETHING. I'm just ready to move forward with school and get it OVER with.
*Work. I'm going to find another job A-S-A-P.I like my job and I adore the people that I work with, BUT with every passing day, I see/FEEL myself getting too comfortable in this job, which realistically is a dead-end job. I was going to use my vacation time up(I'm supposed to go to Baltimore and New York in June) and THEN seek other employment, but why wait?? I feel like my "Vacation" EXCUSE is just a way for me to buy time....Im not doing it. I'm still planning my vacay, BUT I'm also going to be ACTIVELY seeking other employment. If I find a job then my vacay is obviously out and if I don't, I'll still take my vacay,all the while,job-hunting
*Life. I'm ALWAYS striving to be a better person. I just feel like there are more than enough douche bags in the world,without me adding to. I just live by the code:"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" it's that simple. I know it's easier said than done, and you might ask "what do you do when you're dealing with an asshole?" my answer is"I don't". I surround myself with an awesome crowd. I don't deal with negative people(on purpose). All in All, I think I'm a pretty good person. I'm honest(sometimes brutally),I'm open and accepting,Im caring and nurturing by nature, I actually give a shit about people. I pray for my friends and family, I give my tithes and offerings EVERY week(I cant go to church because I get off sunday mornings and dont wanna fall asleep in church...go ahead, judge me),ect. I think Im "good" but I want to be better. Nothing wrong with a daily upgrade
*Diet. So I decided to stop stressing over my weight. I've ALSO decided to TRY to become a vegetarian and work out at least 3 times a week.I'm not doing either to lose weight(well, maybe the working out....I mean, who just works out for fun?!?!)I'm finally learning to accept what I see in the mirror. My weight IS something that haunts me,though and it isn't the easiest thing to transition from being really skinny and able to eat whatever I wanted and NOT gain weight to feeling like I have to watch everything that I eat. I NEVER say anything when I'm eating with/around friends, but what I eat/how MUCH I eat is ALWAYS in the back of my mind, because I know that I can't eat what I want,anymore. It's hard and no one gets it because to them I look "fine". It's a struggle. Im going to do my part and let the chips fall where they may. God gave me this body and I'm stuck with it,whether I want to be or not....it's about time I start embracing it and finding comfort in everyone else liking what they see,when they look at me.
*Life in General. I plan on "changing" a bit. I plan to be more open, live in the moment,stop over thinking things,I plan on traveling,taking more "me" time. I plan to be OUT of California by the time I'm 27. I don't know WHERE I will end up, but it will not be in California. I want my son to experience life outside of Los Angeles,which is ALL he knows, so far. I'm over Cali...it's over populated,over priced,and over rated. I'm DONE. I'm gunna start thinking of what state I want to move to. 2 Years is not very long to plan your life in another state, but I shall Try
*Relationships. I'm SINGLE and have been for almost a year and a half (YIKES!) and I've convinced myself that I was content with loneliness because I knew that for a little bit of that time, I was still partially emotionally invested in my ex. I wanted nothing with/from him but I still had feelings that hadn't ended with the relationship. I chose to completely cut him out of my life; not respond to texts,calls,emails,act so that I could get over that situation. Mission:Accomplished.Even still, when he and I first broke up, I dated....A LOT, and when I finally accepted WHY I was going out so much with different guys that I had ZERO interest in, I stopped dating.The thing is, I know myself and if I do something out of the norm, I question MYSELF before anyone else can. I've been single and happy for the most part. I def have my days where Im like, "fuck this shit" and consider a relationship but I don't know that Im ready for one,OR if it's REALLY what I want. I think more than anything, Im turning into a man....I want "nigga shit"; someone to go out with when I feel like going out,someone to bone whenever I want on some NSA shit,someone to cuddle up with at night(not so nigga-like,but still..lol) I just want somebody when I WANT somebody.I don't want the emotional obligation that comes along with a RELATIONSHIP. I wanna fall asleep on the phone, "good morning" texts,date nights,good sex,ect. I want every part of a RELATIONSHIP, WITHOUT the commitment.
All in All, I think my plans are VERY realistic and very achievable. Ain't nothin' to it but to do it, and that is my plan. Im gunna really stick to the script and make shit happends. My son is getting older and older and when someone asks him what his mommy does for a living, I want him to be proud of his answer. I don't just live for myself, I have a set of little(and perfectly symetrical) eyes watching and learning from me EVERYDAY. Being a "Good Mom" is a HUGE task that I don't take lightly. God will never give me more than I can handle and I take comfort in that.
I was a lot like Joan from Girlfriends.....By 30 I wanted to be finished with school,pursuing a successful career,married(or engaged),child-less, and HAPPY. Yeah, that was my plan....but LIFE happend. Im not going to go into detail about what "went wrong" or anything.....instead, I will just "RE-WRITE" my plan, and this time, I'll be sure to include reality.
My plans are a lot of what they were when I was that 18 year old girl, in my room "planning" my life BEFORE I left home, thinking that because I was "planning" before acting, the chips would fall in the right order.
*School. I've decided to go back. What's kept me from going back sooner, was a combination of being unsure of what I wanted to go to school FOR,not having time to go(my son wasn't in school),and my second guessing myself(as I ALWAYS do). I've decided that I want to WRITE.Writing has ALWAYS been my "escape". I write everything. I LOVE words, so I'm going to do something with that love. I want to be a journalist,an editor,SOMETHING. I'm just ready to move forward with school and get it OVER with.
*Work. I'm going to find another job A-S-A-P.I like my job and I adore the people that I work with, BUT with every passing day, I see/FEEL myself getting too comfortable in this job, which realistically is a dead-end job. I was going to use my vacation time up(I'm supposed to go to Baltimore and New York in June) and THEN seek other employment, but why wait?? I feel like my "Vacation" EXCUSE is just a way for me to buy time....Im not doing it. I'm still planning my vacay, BUT I'm also going to be ACTIVELY seeking other employment. If I find a job then my vacay is obviously out and if I don't, I'll still take my vacay,all the while,job-hunting
*Life. I'm ALWAYS striving to be a better person. I just feel like there are more than enough douche bags in the world,without me adding to. I just live by the code:"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" it's that simple. I know it's easier said than done, and you might ask "what do you do when you're dealing with an asshole?" my answer is"I don't". I surround myself with an awesome crowd. I don't deal with negative people(on purpose). All in All, I think I'm a pretty good person. I'm honest(sometimes brutally),I'm open and accepting,Im caring and nurturing by nature, I actually give a shit about people. I pray for my friends and family, I give my tithes and offerings EVERY week(I cant go to church because I get off sunday mornings and dont wanna fall asleep in church...go ahead, judge me),ect. I think Im "good" but I want to be better. Nothing wrong with a daily upgrade
*Diet. So I decided to stop stressing over my weight. I've ALSO decided to TRY to become a vegetarian and work out at least 3 times a week.I'm not doing either to lose weight(well, maybe the working out....I mean, who just works out for fun?!?!)I'm finally learning to accept what I see in the mirror. My weight IS something that haunts me,though and it isn't the easiest thing to transition from being really skinny and able to eat whatever I wanted and NOT gain weight to feeling like I have to watch everything that I eat. I NEVER say anything when I'm eating with/around friends, but what I eat/how MUCH I eat is ALWAYS in the back of my mind, because I know that I can't eat what I want,anymore. It's hard and no one gets it because to them I look "fine". It's a struggle. Im going to do my part and let the chips fall where they may. God gave me this body and I'm stuck with it,whether I want to be or not....it's about time I start embracing it and finding comfort in everyone else liking what they see,when they look at me.
*Life in General. I plan on "changing" a bit. I plan to be more open, live in the moment,stop over thinking things,I plan on traveling,taking more "me" time. I plan to be OUT of California by the time I'm 27. I don't know WHERE I will end up, but it will not be in California. I want my son to experience life outside of Los Angeles,which is ALL he knows, so far. I'm over Cali...it's over populated,over priced,and over rated. I'm DONE. I'm gunna start thinking of what state I want to move to. 2 Years is not very long to plan your life in another state, but I shall Try
*Relationships. I'm SINGLE and have been for almost a year and a half (YIKES!) and I've convinced myself that I was content with loneliness because I knew that for a little bit of that time, I was still partially emotionally invested in my ex. I wanted nothing with/from him but I still had feelings that hadn't ended with the relationship. I chose to completely cut him out of my life; not respond to texts,calls,emails,act so that I could get over that situation. Mission:Accomplished.Even still, when he and I first broke up, I dated....A LOT, and when I finally accepted WHY I was going out so much with different guys that I had ZERO interest in, I stopped dating.The thing is, I know myself and if I do something out of the norm, I question MYSELF before anyone else can. I've been single and happy for the most part. I def have my days where Im like, "fuck this shit" and consider a relationship but I don't know that Im ready for one,OR if it's REALLY what I want. I think more than anything, Im turning into a man....I want "nigga shit"; someone to go out with when I feel like going out,someone to bone whenever I want on some NSA shit,someone to cuddle up with at night(not so nigga-like,but still..lol) I just want somebody when I WANT somebody.I don't want the emotional obligation that comes along with a RELATIONSHIP. I wanna fall asleep on the phone, "good morning" texts,date nights,good sex,ect. I want every part of a RELATIONSHIP, WITHOUT the commitment.
All in All, I think my plans are VERY realistic and very achievable. Ain't nothin' to it but to do it, and that is my plan. Im gunna really stick to the script and make shit happends. My son is getting older and older and when someone asks him what his mommy does for a living, I want him to be proud of his answer. I don't just live for myself, I have a set of little(and perfectly symetrical) eyes watching and learning from me EVERYDAY. Being a "Good Mom" is a HUGE task that I don't take lightly. God will never give me more than I can handle and I take comfort in that.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
2010....in Retrospect
In 2010, I cried,I laughed,I fell down & got back up,I loved and almost hated,I messed up & made a mends,I took people for granted & appreciated,I gave & I lost,I made some of the BEST and hardest decisions I've ever had to, I've held on to people & let go of others 2010 has been one of the best years of my life. I've grown so much in this year and can HONESTLY say I have no regrets. This was a year of me "going with the flow of things" instead of over thinking things. I've been VERY blessed, and I have NO regrets for this year. I appreciate every tear I shed, for every time I felt like giving up and didn't, for every morning I didn't feel like getting out of bed but DID,for every time I chose to take the high road and be the "bigger" person,for moving forward with my makeup thing,forspeaking up for myself,for having fun,for being accepting,for striving to be the best example for my son,for saving face and staying strond,for every time I laughed and every time I cried.....I'M GRATEFUL. I decided NOT to come up with a list of New Year's resolutions. Instead of a LIST, I have just one: To follow my heart. In ANY and EVERY situation, FOLLOW MY HEART.If it feels right,do it......PERIOD. I tend to OVER think things, and sometimes my THINKING over shadows my FEELINGS. I literally think away my feelings/emotions on a lot of things/in a lot of situations.I'm a "thinker" and if something doesn't make sense "on paper" I go othe other way, instead of taking a chance. I will be 25 in a matter of months....it's time to start living(like REALLY living),having fun,living in the moment/FOR the moment(not all the time though, cus that shit can get crazy...see?I'm thinking,again...lol/smh) taking chances,ect. I'm ready to L-I-V-E. I have a lot of things planned for next year/ a LOT of hopes. I'm excited to see what this year will bring, in EVERY aspect of my life....there are some minor details in my life I DO plan on changing, but we shall see. Thank You 2010 for showing me so much love and making so many things happen to/for me.I'm grateful and I know 2011 will be EPIC.
Cheers to 2010 & Big Ups to 2011
-J Bellz
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
REALITY check....Please
Okay, so I want to discuss the ability/INability to seperate LOGIC from EMOTION.Some people are walking through life CONFUSED. SOME people seem to think that BONING someone is the equivalent to being in a RELATIONSHIP.
MOST of these confused-ass people are females. I'm sooo NOT saying that men DON'T do it,but women are definitely far more guilty of it due to our emotional nature...I THINK that's why,at least.But, let me break a few things down that I've seen/heard/LEARNED over the years.
First, I wanna address the "fuck buddy"/friends with "benefits" issue first. Okay...having sex and hanging out with a man occasionally doesn't mean he's your "boyfriend" or that you are his "girlfriend" nor are you entitled to any boyfriend/girlfriend treatment. A relationship only exists when BOTH parties involved have a mutual understanding/agreement that that's what they BOTH want/have. If you're allowing a guy an all access pass to your lady parts,you have to set the standard of what you're gunna accept from him/know what you're dealing with.IF you're perfectly fine with giving a man who is NOT YOUR man,a free coupon to your all you can eat buffet,so be it(please use protection though, who know's who else he's dealing with)If you have allowed your emotions to get involved, you might(definitely) want to make sure, he's on the same page as you.
Another thing: If there is never an agreement reached that you guys are in a relationship,it's NOT a relationship! Regardless of how long he's been smashing you,no matter how many pairs of j's you've bought him,ect. THAT man is NOT YOUR man. Soooooo, you DON'T have the right to:
1.Question him regarding his whereabouts
2.get mad at him for not answering his phone/returning your calls in a timely manner
3.accuse him of "cheating" on you...lol
4.be upset if/when he flirts with,or even BONES some other chick
5. expect him to care about your feelings if you find out about it
Those ar just a few, but I'm sure you get my point.Don't just ASSUME your role in a man's life,step paway from your emotions and analyze the situation-KNOW(NOT assume) where you stand! Once you know that,either get comfortable in THAT position and sit down and take your seat,or walk away and find someone who gives a damn about your vagina AND your feelings and is willing to give you want and deserve.If you ever feel like a man is "playing" you and you feel the urge to call him an asshole or whatever,ask yourself if you allowed any of it by continuing to deal with him and his "asshole" behavior.If you have, then you need to point the finger at YOURSELF-you're the asshole for accepting less than your worth when deep inside you knew better(we ALWAYS know better...smh)Just because a man isn't ready to settle down doesn't make him an asshole.Now if he lied to you or misled you, than YES, he's an asshole(unless he did it more than once-you should be on your toes at that point).But if you saw red flags and ignored them any ways,YOU are the one to blame.Most of the time, a female will get mad at a guy for "doing them wrong" because their feelings are hurt,so instinctively, they(we) just get upset. But maybe she should pump her brakes,recall his "track" record,remember her title/place and realize that the person she needs to be upset with is herself. I know this situation all too well. In my last relationship, my bf at the time, put me through a LOT of shit. We were CONSTANTLY into it about "this bitch" or "that bitch" or why he lied about this or that,ect. So one day, I was just fed up and i "Broke up with him". I used the quotes, because I didnt really break up with him as in REALLY ending things, I simply said to him"I don't wanna do this anymore....I CANT do this anymore, so I'm not.....DO YOU"..... we had sex twice that night(lol) and the next day, I got a call from a friend, saying she saw him at "OUR" movie theatre with some breezy. I call him...VOICEMAIL. I get a text right after I called him saying "I'm at the group home(he worked at a group home), talking to my supervisor, I'll call you when he leaves" I was LIVID, I was seeing red. I could not wait to "bust him out" An hour later, he calls. I don't answer. He calls again, I don't answer. So he keeps calling and I didnt answer...I couldnt answer, what I needed to say needed to be said in person,face to face. He comes home, yelling at me about not answering MY fucking phone(nigga what??) so I ask him,FLAT out "Who were you at the movies with" he lied about the whole thing and I go OFF. I'm telling him how I dont deserve that, how I can do so much better, how I cant believe he would do that to me and make me look stupid in front of my friends,ect. Then, as I was yelling, he grabbed me and looked me straight in the eye and yelled "But, Im not your boyfreeeeeeiiiiiiinnnnnnddddddd!!!" he said some other shit about how I broke up with him, blah,blah,bla. But "I'm not your boyfriend" was all I heard and those words cut like a knife. I felt so dumb. I had said it was over, before I REALLY wanted it to be and I confused my fucking him that night with us getting back together....I played MYSELF.
Sex is a BIG thing for (most) females, and that's why when we bone someone, we feel like we're giving them the world....we're giving OUR world. I'm not built for a flat out "fuck buddy" situation. I'm very picky about who I give my goods to, and I know my goods are far too good to be given without a commitment. My motto is and has always been: If I fuck u, I OWN you...lol. It's that simple...lol
Sex is such a big thing to females, but a lot of them use no discression as to who they give their goods too, and a lot of them feel like they can change a man THROUGH sex, you may change him while he's in it, but a man is going to be a man,regardless. If a female enables a man to be an "asshole" by constantly forgiving him or choosing to look past certain things,that's HER fault.You can call him trifling or you can call yourself a fool,but which one REALLY makes sense? Okay then.
The bottom line is if you're NOT his "girlfriend" then don't expect much in terms of respect or common courtesy. You simply aren't entitled to those things if the main purpose you serve in his life is to be a warm and cozy place for him to park his dick in, from time to time, whenever he HAS time/feels like it.Bottom line: There are far too many fich in the sea for ANY woman to settle for anything less than what she is worth/desires. If all YOU want is a fuckbuddy, do YOU, by all means, but if you want something meaningful, keep your legs closed until you have an agreement. Not saying that by NOT giving up the goods, will higher ur chances of having a REAL relationship(well, I guess I kinda AM saying that...lol) but at leass, at the end of the day, you won't be left high and dry(and having to add another name to your list of sex partners) because you gave in,BEFORE any level of respect was established. I'm just saying....you may agree with me 110% OR you may be in denial and are against EVERYTHING I'm saying.....either way, by all means, DO YOU!
MOST of these confused-ass people are females. I'm sooo NOT saying that men DON'T do it,but women are definitely far more guilty of it due to our emotional nature...I THINK that's why,at least.But, let me break a few things down that I've seen/heard/LEARNED over the years.
First, I wanna address the "fuck buddy"/friends with "benefits" issue first. Okay...having sex and hanging out with a man occasionally doesn't mean he's your "boyfriend" or that you are his "girlfriend" nor are you entitled to any boyfriend/girlfriend treatment. A relationship only exists when BOTH parties involved have a mutual understanding/agreement that that's what they BOTH want/have. If you're allowing a guy an all access pass to your lady parts,you have to set the standard of what you're gunna accept from him/know what you're dealing with.IF you're perfectly fine with giving a man who is NOT YOUR man,a free coupon to your all you can eat buffet,so be it(please use protection though, who know's who else he's dealing with)If you have allowed your emotions to get involved, you might(definitely) want to make sure, he's on the same page as you.
Another thing: If there is never an agreement reached that you guys are in a relationship,it's NOT a relationship! Regardless of how long he's been smashing you,no matter how many pairs of j's you've bought him,ect. THAT man is NOT YOUR man. Soooooo, you DON'T have the right to:
1.Question him regarding his whereabouts
2.get mad at him for not answering his phone/returning your calls in a timely manner
3.accuse him of "cheating" on you...lol
4.be upset if/when he flirts with,or even BONES some other chick
5. expect him to care about your feelings if you find out about it
Those ar just a few, but I'm sure you get my point.Don't just ASSUME your role in a man's life,step paway from your emotions and analyze the situation-KNOW(NOT assume) where you stand! Once you know that,either get comfortable in THAT position and sit down and take your seat,or walk away and find someone who gives a damn about your vagina AND your feelings and is willing to give you want and deserve.If you ever feel like a man is "playing" you and you feel the urge to call him an asshole or whatever,ask yourself if you allowed any of it by continuing to deal with him and his "asshole" behavior.If you have, then you need to point the finger at YOURSELF-you're the asshole for accepting less than your worth when deep inside you knew better(we ALWAYS know better...smh)Just because a man isn't ready to settle down doesn't make him an asshole.Now if he lied to you or misled you, than YES, he's an asshole(unless he did it more than once-you should be on your toes at that point).But if you saw red flags and ignored them any ways,YOU are the one to blame.Most of the time, a female will get mad at a guy for "doing them wrong" because their feelings are hurt,so instinctively, they(we) just get upset. But maybe she should pump her brakes,recall his "track" record,remember her title/place and realize that the person she needs to be upset with is herself. I know this situation all too well. In my last relationship, my bf at the time, put me through a LOT of shit. We were CONSTANTLY into it about "this bitch" or "that bitch" or why he lied about this or that,ect. So one day, I was just fed up and i "Broke up with him". I used the quotes, because I didnt really break up with him as in REALLY ending things, I simply said to him"I don't wanna do this anymore....I CANT do this anymore, so I'm not.....DO YOU"..... we had sex twice that night(lol) and the next day, I got a call from a friend, saying she saw him at "OUR" movie theatre with some breezy. I call him...VOICEMAIL. I get a text right after I called him saying "I'm at the group home(he worked at a group home), talking to my supervisor, I'll call you when he leaves" I was LIVID, I was seeing red. I could not wait to "bust him out" An hour later, he calls. I don't answer. He calls again, I don't answer. So he keeps calling and I didnt answer...I couldnt answer, what I needed to say needed to be said in person,face to face. He comes home, yelling at me about not answering MY fucking phone(nigga what??) so I ask him,FLAT out "Who were you at the movies with" he lied about the whole thing and I go OFF. I'm telling him how I dont deserve that, how I can do so much better, how I cant believe he would do that to me and make me look stupid in front of my friends,ect. Then, as I was yelling, he grabbed me and looked me straight in the eye and yelled "But, Im not your boyfreeeeeeiiiiiiinnnnnnddddddd!!!" he said some other shit about how I broke up with him, blah,blah,bla. But "I'm not your boyfriend" was all I heard and those words cut like a knife. I felt so dumb. I had said it was over, before I REALLY wanted it to be and I confused my fucking him that night with us getting back together....I played MYSELF.
Sex is a BIG thing for (most) females, and that's why when we bone someone, we feel like we're giving them the world....we're giving OUR world. I'm not built for a flat out "fuck buddy" situation. I'm very picky about who I give my goods to, and I know my goods are far too good to be given without a commitment. My motto is and has always been: If I fuck u, I OWN you...lol. It's that simple...lol
Sex is such a big thing to females, but a lot of them use no discression as to who they give their goods too, and a lot of them feel like they can change a man THROUGH sex, you may change him while he's in it, but a man is going to be a man,regardless. If a female enables a man to be an "asshole" by constantly forgiving him or choosing to look past certain things,that's HER fault.You can call him trifling or you can call yourself a fool,but which one REALLY makes sense? Okay then.
The bottom line is if you're NOT his "girlfriend" then don't expect much in terms of respect or common courtesy. You simply aren't entitled to those things if the main purpose you serve in his life is to be a warm and cozy place for him to park his dick in, from time to time, whenever he HAS time/feels like it.Bottom line: There are far too many fich in the sea for ANY woman to settle for anything less than what she is worth/desires. If all YOU want is a fuckbuddy, do YOU, by all means, but if you want something meaningful, keep your legs closed until you have an agreement. Not saying that by NOT giving up the goods, will higher ur chances of having a REAL relationship(well, I guess I kinda AM saying that...lol) but at leass, at the end of the day, you won't be left high and dry(and having to add another name to your list of sex partners) because you gave in,BEFORE any level of respect was established. I'm just saying....you may agree with me 110% OR you may be in denial and are against EVERYTHING I'm saying.....either way, by all means, DO YOU!
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Allow me to RE-introduce myself...
So, the year is almost at it's end and there are some things that I want to share/get off of my chest(and into the atmosphere). Nothing too juicy, just a little more of myself(wait, but I AM quite juicy...never mind....Different post)This is Part 1 of a 3-Part post that I want to do,To kind of, give you a better understanding of ME. I get people who tell me ALL the time how "strong" I am. I AM strong, but I wasn't always like this There are MANY things that I feel have contributed to my strength,ESPECIALLY this year.
First thing's first: I created a blog,which I'm so proud of. Anyone who knows me, knows that for me, it's ALWAYS been easier for me to WRITE my feelings, as oppose to SPEAK them. And whats more, for me to actually EXPRESS my feelings in any way, to anyone OTHER than God, is HUGE, in itself.
Now to the "shoulda,coulda,woulda's: This blog should have been created 4 years ago....Pros: I was 20 years old,127 pounds,had so much MORE to say,so much more time to dedicate to it.and I was fucking FABULOUS. I slept 3 hours a night,did WHATEVER I wanted,SAID whatever I wanted,WHENEVER I wanted, It was all about me-me-me and I didnt make time for anyone who didn't act accordingly. I shopped,went out when I wanted to, had a huge circle of friends who were just as blissfully naive as I was,I ate whatever I wanted and maintained a 6-pack that (at the time) could give Ciara a run for her money,I could do cartwheels in heels and could run an 8-minute mile effortlessly.I didn't care about anything, or anyone(it wasnt as bad as it sounds, I promise)....in short, I was Kanye West circa 2009...a douchebag,if you will...much too selfish,jaded,and unfocused to do anything but self-destruct....5-4-3-2-1....BOOM (literally) I got knocked up....by my "High School Sweetheart" the man I planned to marry,ect.(what a douchebag HE turned out to be...smh) and in a matter of what seemed like milliseconds, I went from eyeliner to eyedrops, from nail files to nail clippers,from going out to staying in,from a size 0/1 to a size 4(or 5, depending on the brand). Life has CHANGED. I now share my C.O. Bigelow Lip Balm with a male,rambunctious mini-me.It's a happy marriage of BeBe and Bob The Builder......4 years in, and I would do it ALL over again. I've changed...boy have I changed, and I ADORE the woman I've become.She is strong,independent,caring,loving,understanding,nurturing,patient,and a M.I.L.F for SURE.The best part of my journey has been finding the medium between my FORMER self and my PRESENT self. I may not dance under flashing lights anymore, but I dance to Coldplay with my son in the kitchen. I may not go to clubs, but I have just as much fun at the park, I've given up late-nights for early-mornings and I can take a THOROUGH shower in 3 minutes flat. I've learned so much.
I guess the point of this specific post is just to say that there is no specific "formula" or "blueprint" for life, and the more you plan,the harder it will be to accept life, when things DONT go as planned. I didn't know EXACTLY how I wanted my life to be, BUT I had an idea.....and having a kid was NOWHERE on my agenda (I NEVER wanted to have kids) but a higher power had a plan that was different from what I thought things would have been. I've made a lot of bad decisions in my day, but, I think I've made a LOT more "RIGHT" decisions and I think that my life is reflective of that.
I'm not one of those people that will tell you to "go in order" or "eat all of your veggies"...and that's NOT because my life is upside down or that I loathe all green foods outside of sushi rolls-it's simply just not reality and more importantly, I just hate self righteous folk(who most of the time are the biggest Skank/Slutts, on the low,anyways) My "basic" rules for life are:
1. Don't ever do shady shit on purpose(and if you do, ALWAYS own it and apologize)
2.Don't burn bridges over dumb shit
3.Suck,Never chew
4.Avoid boot cut jeans
5.White rimmed sunglasses are NEVER ok
6.Wash your hands as soon as you get home(and KEEP hand sanitizer on deck)
7.Don't say ANYTHING to your child that you wouldnt wanna hear them say back to you
8.Don't think away your emotions
9.NEVER question how you're gunna do something.God will NEVER give you more than you can handle(I'm living proof of that) just have faith that God WILL make a way(he always does) and don't be scared to trust him...u have to have faith and you can't have fear AND faith...pick one
10.Treat others the way you would want to be treated.....PERIOD.
.....so if you're looking for empowerment and "something deep"..please click away now..it's just my thoughts...just my thoughts (Hov's voice)
First thing's first: I created a blog,which I'm so proud of. Anyone who knows me, knows that for me, it's ALWAYS been easier for me to WRITE my feelings, as oppose to SPEAK them. And whats more, for me to actually EXPRESS my feelings in any way, to anyone OTHER than God, is HUGE, in itself.
Now to the "shoulda,coulda,woulda's: This blog should have been created 4 years ago....Pros: I was 20 years old,127 pounds,had so much MORE to say,so much more time to dedicate to it.and I was fucking FABULOUS. I slept 3 hours a night,did WHATEVER I wanted,SAID whatever I wanted,WHENEVER I wanted, It was all about me-me-me and I didnt make time for anyone who didn't act accordingly. I shopped,went out when I wanted to, had a huge circle of friends who were just as blissfully naive as I was,I ate whatever I wanted and maintained a 6-pack that (at the time) could give Ciara a run for her money,I could do cartwheels in heels and could run an 8-minute mile effortlessly.I didn't care about anything, or anyone(it wasnt as bad as it sounds, I promise)....in short, I was Kanye West circa 2009...a douchebag,if you will...much too selfish,jaded,and unfocused to do anything but self-destruct....5-4-3-2-1....BOOM (literally) I got knocked up....by my "High School Sweetheart" the man I planned to marry,ect.(what a douchebag HE turned out to be...smh) and in a matter of what seemed like milliseconds, I went from eyeliner to eyedrops, from nail files to nail clippers,from going out to staying in,from a size 0/1 to a size 4(or 5, depending on the brand). Life has CHANGED. I now share my C.O. Bigelow Lip Balm with a male,rambunctious mini-me.It's a happy marriage of BeBe and Bob The Builder......4 years in, and I would do it ALL over again. I've changed...boy have I changed, and I ADORE the woman I've become.She is strong,independent,caring,loving,understanding,nurturing,patient,and a M.I.L.F for SURE.The best part of my journey has been finding the medium between my FORMER self and my PRESENT self. I may not dance under flashing lights anymore, but I dance to Coldplay with my son in the kitchen. I may not go to clubs, but I have just as much fun at the park, I've given up late-nights for early-mornings and I can take a THOROUGH shower in 3 minutes flat. I've learned so much.
I guess the point of this specific post is just to say that there is no specific "formula" or "blueprint" for life, and the more you plan,the harder it will be to accept life, when things DONT go as planned. I didn't know EXACTLY how I wanted my life to be, BUT I had an idea.....and having a kid was NOWHERE on my agenda (I NEVER wanted to have kids) but a higher power had a plan that was different from what I thought things would have been. I've made a lot of bad decisions in my day, but, I think I've made a LOT more "RIGHT" decisions and I think that my life is reflective of that.
I'm not one of those people that will tell you to "go in order" or "eat all of your veggies"...and that's NOT because my life is upside down or that I loathe all green foods outside of sushi rolls-it's simply just not reality and more importantly, I just hate self righteous folk(who most of the time are the biggest Skank/Slutts, on the low,anyways) My "basic" rules for life are:
1. Don't ever do shady shit on purpose(and if you do, ALWAYS own it and apologize)
2.Don't burn bridges over dumb shit
3.Suck,Never chew
4.Avoid boot cut jeans
5.White rimmed sunglasses are NEVER ok
6.Wash your hands as soon as you get home(and KEEP hand sanitizer on deck)
7.Don't say ANYTHING to your child that you wouldnt wanna hear them say back to you
8.Don't think away your emotions
9.NEVER question how you're gunna do something.God will NEVER give you more than you can handle(I'm living proof of that) just have faith that God WILL make a way(he always does) and don't be scared to trust him...u have to have faith and you can't have fear AND faith...pick one
10.Treat others the way you would want to be treated.....PERIOD.
.....so if you're looking for empowerment and "something deep"..please click away now..it's just my thoughts...just my thoughts (Hov's voice)
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