You DESERVE to be single......

Ok so for whatever reason, upon meeting me, people never believe Im single. Its super flattering,but also annoying as hell when they insist on knowing "why" I'm single, or what's my "thing" that wont "allow" me to be in a relationship. It's soooo annpying that people can't seem to accept the fact that not all women need a man/relationship to define her....some of us are self sufficient enough to make it on our own, so to speak. Even at work....my manager can NOT believe that I'm single and hardly ever even date....seriously, she cant get passed it. She wanted to create an Eharmony profile for me....shit is crazy to me. Ive def met men and women and thought to myself "damn,why the FUCK is he/she single" but I've always chalked it up to the fact that either they WANT to be single or they havent found "the one"....either way, no big deal to me.I've been told that I don't "deserve" to be single, like being single is some kind of punishment....lol WTF?!?!? People have things alllll wrong, I'm single and happily so. I have my "days" or whatever but I'm good.There are certain people who DO "deserve" to be single. By deserve I mean, are not "ready" to be in a relationship,therefore deserve to be single....follow me? I've come up with a few examples of the types that in my not so humble opinion DESERVE to be single....they're just NOT ready.....



1.Miss "I don't know what I want"
You want a boyfriend, why??Because your ex moved on?Because your bestie finally got a man and wants to double date? Because you've been dying to change your fr relationship status?You're being an ass.Do you know what you have?!?!?! FREEDOM!! You can do whatever you want to,you can go wherever you want to, you can flirt, you can fuck, and you dont have to answer to ANYBODY.BEING SINGLE IS GREAT!!IT HAS HONESTLY TAUGHT ME SOOOOOO MUCH ABOUT MYSELF AND WHAT I WANT IN A MAN.WHO CARES ABOUT BEING BORED??THE MALLS ARE OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK AND THERE IS ALWAYS A NIGGA WILLING/WAITING TO TAKE YOU OUT....DO YOU!! Do you REALLY want some dirty nigga snoring in your ear at night,farting and being gross??NO! The arguments over nothing,the ex-girlfriend drama,the competition with the x-box, the lnigering question of if he really likes YOU or just the way you __________(fill in blank with your bedroom specialty...lol)Women so often lose sight of what they want, we alllll have "plans" and desires in life, but as soon as a nigga with tatts and "swagg", you're "list" dwindles to ONE thing.....ANYTHING he's doing.It's no longer about what you want,it's what HE wants...and no person REALLY wants that shit....thats part of why I m single now: I know what I want and Im sticking to my guns....Ive been that female that lost sight of the things that mattered to me, for the sake of the guy I THOUGHT I wanted to be with....thats weak and wack as shit. Ladies: figure out what YOU want and you will get exactly that. It may not be on your timing, but your timing WILL come.You cant go into a relationship wanting nothing but the man you are getting into the relationship with and get mad when he gives you a shitty relationship. Going in, you had no requirements,you had no expectations, your only desire was that man, which is what you got.










2.Ms. Pac Man
We women LOVED to be "chased", and men love the chase,short and simple.But what happens when you get causght? It's not always "happily ever after", in 2 months, you'll be flirting with the new guy at ur job, he'll be dicking down some chick in his apt complex, ur cooter won't tingle the same way it used to now that ur getting boned by the same guy on a consistent basis. As women, our entire swag is built around being a cock tease.Why do you think I'm so happy/content with being single?? Because I know that if I needed anything from dick to an oil change,there are a bunch of niggas in my phone that will do exactly as I say in hopes to being a step closer to getting what's in my panties....the way of the world.But once ur "bagged" and you have to deal with ONE dude instead of as many as you want to on your OWN accord, you feel like something is "lacking"....you miss the slick talk of the nigga who had no clue he was this- close to getting the goods because you played ur role so well, you miss the random text messages from random guys who's faces u dont even remember calling you pretty...you miss all the shit you gave up when you jumped ur ass in a relationship. There is NOTHING wrong with the chase...I live for the chase, but be sure your ready to give up the chase BEFORE you get into a relationship, or else, there is no way you can be faithful or even happy in a relationship, regardless of how good the guy is.











3. Your living in the past
What I mean by this is: you ae still salty over your last break up,you still dont trust men because the last one you dated did you grimey,you dont trust men because of all that your last guy put you through, your motto is "all men are dogs" or "niggas ain't shit" and the like. In my personal opinion, aside from cheating, "living in the past" takes the cake as far as the demise of many relationships.It's fucked up....I understand it though.As a woman who has been cheated on,disrescpected,ect all by a man I loved and was in a full on-live in relationship with, I fully inderstand how hard it is to move on from something that meant so much to you that ended up being a pot of bullshit...I know. I know that once you feel like you've invested everything you had in a man/relationship to have it blow up in your face, makes you feel like men arent shit...I know. This too is another piece of the "why im single puzzle"It's not that I think all men are dogs or are all the same, I KNOW better.....I just am not in a place to where I feel like I;m "over" my last relationship...not in the sense of still having feelings for my ex...more in the sense of KNOWING that I am in no position to "try" and trust a guy with my feelings....my guard is WAY up, and has been since the demise of that relationship, and it's been a while. I think that KNOWING this about myself has kept me out of a lot of potential arguing,bs,hurt feelings,ect that can all come if 2 people are in a relationship and one doesnt trust the other,ESPECIALLY when that current partner hasnt done anything to break that trust. I dont want to be that girl who is meserable with past events that hold no relevance to her current relationship, I also dont want to drive a guy mad with false accusations of what I "KNOW" he did, just because the last guy did...no bueno. You know if ur fully "over" something or someone...take your time...let ur wounds heal. Dont think you can replace the old guy with a new one, because you cant. The bottom line is that if you're still dwelling on something from the past, you are subconciously damning your future....My motto is"Let go BEFORE you 'latch' on" lol

There are many different types that deserve to be single: the party girl,the gold digger,"god's gift",ect but I can't do too much typimg, because I'm at work and have shit to do ....lol Know yourself,wants,needs,ect. Dont be hungry or pressed to get into a relationship...a relationship will find you and those are normally the best one's.Don't get into a relationship just for the look of it...it wont work!If you're ready then do it, but if ur not and you KNOW ur not...fall back a bit.Let nature take it's course....live your life and have fun in the mean time, that way, when you DO get bagged, you wont regret any time spent BEFORE you got into the relationship.

A road with no direction

Roads end with signs that never make any sense.And green lights only make it HARDER to leave.So I'm stuck between stop and go.Left with these blank maps telling me to move but I'm so stuck in yesterday's LEFT that I've forgotten how to turn RIGHT in today. Fallen victim to misguided promises and melancholy love songs and the radio keeps on playing those sad songs I used to hum to myself every time you LEFT. Mr. RIGHT was never your forte anyways,and being in love was far too complicated for either of us to comprehend, so we pretended to know where we were going when really, we were lost from the very beginning.I knew I thought I left footprints so I could follow them back home,but every time I traced them they led me back to you. I have searched and searched,trying to find the "signs"you were a RIGHT that went so wrong. A relationship is a street that's not supposed to be traveled alone. All that was left in the end was heartache and loneliness, but I'm DONE walking by myself. Words keep me company enough to fill the void your voice can no longer fill. You LEFT, so I WRITE........

CHANGES/CHALLENGES

So as you all know, I will be turning 25 in 3 extremely SHORT months and I am freaking the hell out about it. I am a quarter of a century old and I feel like I wish I had a lot more accomplished. I def know people my age(and older) that STILL don't have the basics covered and sadly, it kind of makes me feel a bit better(shame on me, I know)Any who, my best friend is leaving to Baltimore for 6 months to REALLY focus on school and speed up the process of getting her degree and Im so proud that she has made the decision to do so, also envious of the fact that she CAN make such a move. People don't realize how hard it is being a mother, ESPECIALLY a single mother;every aspect of my life takes planning,I need to know exact times,places,ect. I can't remember the last time I was able to just get up and do ANYTHING.But I'm not complaining...just saying.So any ways, I've been going over in my head some changes that I can make....changes that are REALISTIC....not just ones that sound good or look good on paper. I am CHALLENGING myself with these goals and I am hoping for amazing results. Here are some areas of concern and the Challenges I am about to face:

**1.I am going to get a hold on my shopping. I shop A LOT. I am not one of those people who will shop instead of paying a bill or the type that will spend my last dollar at the mall. I'm not like that at all, BUT I am the type that will go and buy SOMETHING,EVERY DAY. I literally buy SOMETHING from some kind of store/mall EVERY DAY. A huge part of the problem is that I pass a Target when I drop My son off to school and when I pick him up, so A LOT of the times, I will go to Target after I drop him off to school and spend money I should be saving. I will tell myself we either "need" something or am "running out of something" to make myself feel justified in going in the first place. I will "go for" something like paper towels or capri-suns for my son and come out with $60 worth of stuff....EASY. Same thing at the mall....I used to go at least 4 times a week and when I realized I was going so often, I made a deal wityh myself that I would only go to the mall on my off days. Problem is that I work Grave twice a week so on those days, I feel like it's an off day and take my ass to the mall.The one positive I guess would be that at least half of what I buy(regardless of where I go) is actually for my son. The negative of that is that my son is VERY spoiled....he will literally ask for any and everything he sees(he won't even WANT it, but he will see it and ask....I'm rubbing off on my baby *sad face*) SO......my Challenge for this particular situation is to NOT SHOP for the entire month of March. I will not buy ANYTHING except:Gas and Groceries. I'm not paying for anything accept bills,child care,manis/pedis(those are both basic life essentials..lol) and for my son to get his haircuts.....THAT IS IT!! No eating out or ANYTHING. Eating out is another problem of mine.I don't cook half as much as I should. I don't eat a lot of fast food(I eat at restaraunts or order the food to be delivered)and I know how much money THAT can amount to.So I'm cutting that out,too. I'm going to cook my lunch for work.I'm going to make sure I have gas in my car everyday BEFORE I go to work so that I can leave my debit card at home and I'm only going to take $5 a day to pay for parking.This is really going to be hard but It won't hurt and I'm anxious/nervous/excited to see how much more money I can save a month by cutting out all of the "extras" in my life.This will be a HUGE challenge for me because I'm so used to spending freely and to go from that to not at all is going to be a bitch. Wish me luck...I will def need it!

**2.Getting my ass back in shape! It has been about 9 months since I have had issues with my weight.It so weird for me to have this struggle because I have NEVER had an issue with weight, but I'mm getting older(metabolism is slowing down to a screeching hault...lol) I dont eat as healthy as I used to/should AND I'm on the bc shot which I now know that depending on the brand can be the DEVIL. Any ways,I am not happy with my body...I'm getting used to having curves and I hope I keep them, I just want to get my tummy all the way flat again and tone and tighten the rest of my body. I'm going to change my diet. Like I said, no more eating out and I am going to prepare my OWN food. I don't KNOW how to cook unhealthy food(fried chicken and stuff like that) so I should be fine as far as diet goes. I don't eat much red meat(unless it's oxtails)at all so that is a plus. I wanna start drinking Crystal light like I used to. I don't even remember why I stopped because I actually PREFER Crystal light to a lot of other drinks...oh well, I'm gunna get back on it. CHALLENGE: I bought a membership to a 30 day Fitness Bootcamp that takes place 4 times a week and the challenge is to stick with the program in it's entirety.Do what's necessary to aid the class to help me regain my "sexy" i.e. eating healthy,drinking lots of water/crystal light,sleeping like I should,ect. I'm excited to see what all of this does to my body/confidence....we shall see!

**3.Getting my Braces. I've wanted braces for a while now but I have heard horor stories about how painful they are/can be and I am NOT good with pain! BUT for the sake of vanity, I'm gunna go ahead and get them....FINALLY. CHALLENGE:Actually GET the braces...lol


**4 . Everyone knows I am not in love with my job.It pays the beills and nothing else has "come up" but let's face it: I havent really been looking too hard and I am so much better than my job.I love working in hospitality and would love to one day be a G.M of a Hilton or Hyatt or be a Brand Ambassador for a "W" or work corporate for a Marriott or Renisnace . I want to be a "big shot" who takes red eye flights from coast to coast JUST to attend the Grand Opening of one of "my" properties. CHALLENGE:Do whatever I have to do to get a job at a hotel that is part of a MAJOR chain. I just feel like once my foot is in THAT door, everything else like promotions will follow because I am a very hard worker,quick learner and Im sure that if I worked at a place that actually had room for promotion, I would have been promoted already. Another reason I need to get on this ASAP is because I plan/want to move out of Cali in the next 2 years and when/wherever I move, I want to be able to transfer from my job in my current city to the city I'm planning to move to, so That I will have a job "waiting" for me.

I tried to come up with a 5th thing but couldn't decide between 2 things and I only wanted my list to contain up to 5 things at a time..NOT 6, so I will leave those last 2 things out, until the NEXT set of challenges. I'm hopeful that I will have the best results and that I will actually be able to stick with all of these things until the bitter end. Wish me luck. If MY list has inspired you to make a list of your own, Please share!!

Stay Beautiful!!
J Bellz xoxo

So the reason for this post is because I'm proud of myself for something that recently happend. Okay, so as you all know, the past doesn't ALWAYS stay in the past, no matter how little relevance it has in your current situation/future plans....By "the pass" I mean ex's. We've all had that ONE(at least) ex that doesn't get "it" for one reason or another, or the ex that realizes what they had far too late in the game,ect. My last boyfriend/most current ex is no different.It's been about a year a 6 or 7 months I would say, since we were togther, its been a year and some change(a year and a few months) since I decided that I wantd absolutely NOTHING to do with him, on any level. I tried the whole "let's just be friends" deal and quickly learned that there are some ex's that you just can NOT be friends with(at least if you see that person in person and are in situations where things can go further than you want them to;physically)so we've been "friends from a distance" he calls and texts me all the time and if I dont answer he will email me, which irratates the shit out of me...ugh. But any ways, he'd been trying to "link up" for a while for dinner, supposedly wanted to talk to me face to face about something that HE said shouldn't be discussed over the phone. Yawn. Long story short, I met him for din-din. We talked, we laughed, we joked(I joked...he doesnt have a good sense of humor/doesnt get my jokes)...u know, all that gay shit that ex-couples do in the movies. Then shit started getting real....lol he started aking me about my personal life and I told him not to ask me questions that he would want an honest answer to unless he was willing to answer those same questions HONESTLY. He kept looking at me and smiling (some weird shit from his weird ass) and kept saying how much he missed "us"...I rolled my eyes and ordered a drink....lol He went on and on about how "different" he is now compared to how he was whe we were together.He acknowledged the fact that he still hasnt met a girl "like me" and how much he missed me. I didnt give shit and I didnt want to hear it so I told him to "stop" but he didnt. He kept rambling, i kept getting on my phone texting, trying toignore what he was saying. I blocked a lot of it out, but a few things stood out: he said that when he first met me, he only wanted to bone me....said that was just the shit he was on. He had just ended his marriage and didnt want a gf by any means. Said that he was just being a bachelor and met me in the midst of that. Said I wasnt supposed to be around after like 2 weeks but the more he was around me, the more he WANTED me to stay around. Said I made him laugh and happy and made him "feel like a man" and he always knew that whatever he was going through, he could pick up the phone,call me and before the phone call was up, he'd feel %110 better.Said in all this time, he still hasnt found anyone who came close to me and what we had....I heard him loud and clear and I believe every word of what he said. I know I'm a good woman, I treat my men like Kings.....I do laundry,I run baths,I make dinner(or pick it up) I give back rubs, I listen...I do all that stuff and at many points, he had me questioning if that/I was good enough.I questioned myself and my worth SO many times in that "relationship" an to this day, he makes me feel like I should "be over" all of what he put me through and to this day, I'm not. ANYTHING you can think of a man putting his woman through in a relationship, I've been through in that one.ANYTHING. Then, I remember "the end", when I physically could NOT cry any more(dead serious) and I woke up and decided that that shit was NOT for me anymore, when I stopped trying to "fix" something that was broken beyond repair, and decided to let go of of something I felt like he had let go of a long time ago. Then he wanted to "make things work" but he could see in my eyes I was done. He wanted me back BAD...pulled out all the stops. I remember him lying to me and saying that he had cancer. YES!!CANCER!! Said all he wanted was his "family" before he died. He would make himself throw up and say it was from the cancer. He even shaved his head!! All for the sake of trying to get back what his the entire time...up until shortly before that point. I remember when his brother told me he had lied about the cancer, I was livid!!Who the fuck lies about having Cancer?!?! And I'm like, you're doing all of this fo someone you've broken? I didnt get it(still don't) we went back and fourth about certain aspects/occurences of our relationship and certain things, he still wasn't willing to live up to and that got me even more upset, and by that time, I had had my second margarita so my emotions were a bit exxagerated.Whta got me was when he said that I'm "avoiding him" for a reason. Said that HE knows that I know that if we were around eachother on a consistent basis again, he could "win me back" he shouldnt have said that.....not to me. I went off....leaned on that ass. I pretty much told them that his bitches have him gassed because his wack ass "personality" couldnt/wouldnt win shit. He said "you're the first to sy so" and he went on about how he supposedly has all these girls(rats)checking for him, but he wants me and that if I didnt take the "oppurtunity" I would be missing out on "a good thing" I said to him, flat out: "regardless of how much you claim to have changed, I know how low you CAN stoop and how far you will go for the sake of keeping a lie alive. Those bitches can have you becase I bet that if they ARE hecking for you, they're actually checking for what they RHINK you are....I've had you...Ive seen you at your worst and your best and had your back during BOTH times in your life. You dont have anything to offer m, because what Jolanda thought she wanted bck then couldnt hold a candle to what Jolanda DEMANDS now.Apples and oranges baby.Im single for fucking reason and Im HAPPY or that same reason, and if I ever wake up and im feeling really really desperate, I'll hit you up, until then, let this shit go. I have love for you, but I don't love you. We could be on an island with no one but eachother for the rest of our lives and NONE of the feelings I used to have for you would come back...you've burned that bridge" he was stunned...mouth open, tears in his eyes....and then it was "time to go" he paid the check, he went to the bathroom, came back in complete silence, walked me to my car, gave me a long ass hug, said he loved me and we went our own seperate ways...I think he got it this time. He knows my heart and knows I hate to hurt people's feelings, so he has to know tht if I said it, I meant it. I just hope that THIS TIME, my past WILL stay in my past

So this post is based upon a bunch of random things going on with me at the current moment.As of right now, at this very moment, I'm CONTENT. I'm "ok"...not happy but not sad either.It's only the 2nd month of the yer and so much has happend ALREADY. I've made ammends with someone who is very important to me; fixed a friendship that undoubtedly ended because of ME, and we are taking baby steps to hopefully get back what we once had (Sheri, If you're reading this, I love you, I'm glad we're talking and I'm sorry, again) and I've kind of ended a friendship that I thought/hoped would last forever(not my fault at all),I've come to some harsh realizations and som beautiful truths.I will be turning 25 in a matter of months and am freaking out! I have so many "wants" in my life and am FINALLY deciding to do what it takes to turn those "Wants" into "haves". Ive realized how many people (guys) are really checking for me(whether I see it or not), I had an amazing v-day that was completely last minute/uber unexpected, I found out how much my big brother/sister in law really support me/have my back,I've forgiven a friend and let go of a grudge I had been holding over something that happend that could not be taken back, Ive decided that I want to move out of Cali in the next 2 years(at the most)I've decided to SERIOUSLY and deligently look for a better job and Ive also decided to get a personal trainer to get me back in shape. I've FINALLY had a heart to heart with my sister about how I feel about our less than Kosher relationship. Ive GROWN in so many ways...any one who knows me, knows that for me, the easiest way to "deal" with a problem is to NOT deal with it at all, and Ive changed that about myself.I love "fixing" problems,friendships,relationships,ect. My confidence has risen;Im content with what I see in the miror, I love myself, flwas and all.Ive been blessed with amazing people that stay in my corner no matter what. I have people I can call when I need to laugh,cry,rant,rave,vent,or get advice from and I see the blessing in that because I used to be such a private/closed off person that no one ever REALLY knew what was going on with me and I carried so much and yet no one had a clue. I've learned to cry when I need to cry and to not be afraid to let go. I've learned that Im living my lif on God's terms and as bad as I may want something/someone/something to happen, if its SUPPOSED to happen it will and I am more than okay with that. I think that more than anything, I just feel like I have this sense of "peace" in my life right now. I don't entertain any drama therefore I have none.I try to find the bright side of every situation because there is ALWAYS a bright side.I take the "high road" in a lot of situations. I laugh a lot more, I smile a lot more....Ihave a lot to be happy about and Im the happiest I've been in a while. Im single and Im fine with that because I don't ever FEEL alone. I feel a lot more comfortable in my own skin which is HUGE for me. I'm making plans (short term) that are attainable and realistic and Im excited about checking them off of my list. Life is good right now, but Im looking for GREAT....I have a pair of little eyes who is watching my every move and hopefullu gaining inspiration from me. I aspire to inspire, or at least display happiness

Stay Beautiful
-J Bellz

The "Fat Ass" Craze....

This post is one that I have been meaning to do, but wasnt sure as to what angle I should come from. What REALLY pushed me to just go ahead and do it was the recent and VERY unfortunate death of 20 year old Victoria Windslowe. When I heard about the way she died and more importantly how far she went in order to boost her self esteem/self image, it broke my heart. We all have that "thing" that makes us feel self conscious and her body was obviously hers. I can only hope that young girls who are not happy with what they see when they look in the miror learn to embrace what they have and forget what they don't. NO BODY is perfect and the race for perfection is not worth risking your life.......EVER.



That being said, I wanna give MY (and a few other) take on this "Fat Ass" craze that has men and women losing their damn minds...lol


FIRST: Ugly girls with FAT butts

For every Kim K, you have a Buffy the Body; a woman who can very well be a stunt double in The Expendables, but none of that matters to the average nigga who loves to "ooh" and "ahh" despite her face. It's crazy that now days, a pretty girl with an average body will get passed up in a quick one for the girl with the dog face/reindeer ass. Guys don't even LOOK at the fac any more....its all about the ass and average looking chick wont even get a second glance if her ASS didnt catch a guy's eye the first time...smh You have these guys bagging "smuts" just because they have big butts and SWEARING on a sack of bibles that their chick is the baddest.Im not hating on ugly girls with big butts, by all mens, you have it waaaaayyyyy easier than us average/pretty girls cause ur the "fad" right now.You're "in style" just light being light skinned used to be...use that shit to ur advantage because I have friends with big asses and I know there ARE perks...lol


Secondly:The "Fat Ass" by default...lol

There are maaaaadddd bitches who only have "ass" because they are fat. Those are the chicks that actually WEAR Apple Bottom Jeans;they are supposed to sculpt a sloppy ass to make it look the way it's supposed to. I call that ass "soggy" ass...the ass wear when a woman takes of those Apple Bottoms, her ass almost completely falls to the ground...lol/smh NASTY shit...but sadly enough, tons of niggas will still wife Ms. Squarpants because of how she LOOKS in those Apple Bottoms.That shit is nasty to me, just like "fat titties"...but thats another post

Thirdly:Ass,Titties,and Face

There ARE women who posess all 3 of these attributes...not many,though.lol There are the Kim K's,Nicki's,Serena William's,ect Those are the bad ones...you dont see them often, but they re def out there...lol


Lastly:Love Yourself!!
EVERY woman has her positive! EVERY woman poseses SOMETHING about her that is sexy or attractive to a man(or woman, if thats what you like). NO ONE is perfct and we all have our flaws, but so what? I used to be VERY skinny,wore glasses and never felt like I REALLY fit in but I NEVER let that shit show. I carried myself with confidence(it wasnt real confidence, either) and it attracted people to me. You have to carry yourself like you ARE "that bitch" even if you dont feel like it, OWN THAT SHIT!! I dont have the biggest ass in the world(it's nice though...lol) but I KNOW I look good in my jeans and I walk around like Beyonce...I AM "that bitch". My boobs arent the biggest (they're pretty nice though...lol) but I walk around like im the shit. I have such a "take it or leave it" attitude about things and I love that about yourself. Love yourself and everyone else will surely follow......

....But not forever




I could NOT possibly agree any more...



I soooo wouldve believed this,had a man told me that...lol




.....and now you're gone



We MUST...



God"s SWEETEST gift to us all...


I'm the QUEEN of this shit...



It should ALWAYS be magical
We've ALL done it...
My life....In a nutchell...lol
Black has ALWAYS been beautiful...



Hard to trust something(feelings) that can be switched off so easily...



If I were truely an eveil bitch, I'd wanna be her




Classic